BitterCoffee

To my dearest HK

2011-08-08T01:41:00.000-07:00

自从身边多了个你之后，
我发现我快乐了。

因为你总是让我感觉到自己
被你高大的身躯呵护着，
被你温暖的大手紧握着，
被你的灵魂深深地爱着。

与你一起的时候，
我没有一刻不觉得幸福。
比起以往的恋情，
那些所谓的幸福快乐根本算不上什么。
是因为你的爱把我融化了？
还是你本来就是对的那个？

我相信此时此刻的你
是真的深爱着我！

谢谢你对我那么好。
你知道吗？
有时我感动得想哭倒在你的怀里！

多么希望你就是对的人。
可是，
其实我很害怕这甜蜜只是瞬间的。
亲爱的，我爱你。

by_bittercoffee

Blogging

2011-08-08T00:07:00.000-07:00

大家都说我的部落格很伤感。
是的，
我也这么认为。
因为我觉得快乐的时光
总是过得特别快，
所以不应该把那短暂的时间
用来写部落格，
应该好好的去享受每一分每一秒；
伤心的时间呢，
却总是特别长，
把时间消磨在部落格上就最好不过了，
又可以发泄不好的情绪，
可是一举两得啊！

所以，
每每我不开心，
第一时间想到的就是这里了！
也就因为这样，
大家都觉得我是个非常情绪化的女生。

不否认，
我的确很容易因为我在乎的人或事而伤心，
也很容易因为我在乎的人或事而开心。

其实，
我就是这么简单！

by_bittercoffee

死刑

2011-08-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

每个人都说我很固执。
是的，
偶尔我也这么认为。
也不知道这性格到底是好还是坏？！
当然在某方面是不好的。

如果我在意的东西被重复提了三遍还没被兑现，
我就会放弃，
并且判那件事死刑，
也就是说我不会再做同样的事！
或许，
会有更极端的反应出现。

这是因为我会自动打开我的保护层，
避免自己再次失望，
或者再次受伤。
这是人的本性吧！

对于你，
一次就够了。
因为
你给我的失望远远超越任何人，
伤害也远远深过任何人！

只因为你是我最在乎的人。

by_bittercoffee

我们的爱

2011-07-26T03:15:00.000-07:00

我们的爱，
很平凡也很不平凡。

我们的爱，
并不特别轰轰烈烈，
但却爱得比谁都还来得深。

我们的爱，
是崭新的一页，
但感觉上就像多年了的感情。

我爱你就像你爱我一样，
你爱我就像我爱你一样。
简简单单，
却很甜蜜。

你说：“时间会证明我对你的爱。”

by_bittercoffee

不安

2011-07-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

只要你离开我的视线，
我就会着急地寻找你的影子；
只要你离开我的身边，
我的心就强烈的不安。

我就是如此的没有安全感！

我知道这一切需要时间与信任，
我也知道我可以信赖你，
可是一眨眼，
种种不好的画面又浮现了。

如果一开始我什么都不知道那该有多好！
但是，
谢谢你对我坦白。

心里没有一刻不忐忑不安，
对你的一切总是特别敏感，
可是我不能告诉你。
就算告诉你了，
问题还是存在，
所以我每天都在倒数那一天的到来！

[相信我所希望的，一切就会成真]

by_bittercoffee

记忆被唤醒了！

2011-07-04T08:25:00.000-07:00

为什么你总在我抽身离开时出现？
你好像知道我就快忘记你了，
所以你出现，
好让我不会把你给忘记。
你出现一次，
我就需要更多的时间来平复心情！

已经好久我没想念你了，
我今天还很自豪地那么认为，
我终于可以摆脱你了！

嘀……嘀……
电话里有一封简讯。
看见了你的名字，
我的心跳再次加速。

当时的我明白了，
我还是没法把你从我脑海里删除。
我只是把你深深的埋藏起来，
只要有什么刺激物，
就可以触醒那记忆。
那简讯就是其中一种刺激物。

你到底是抱着怎样的心态发简讯给我？

你不知道
我看见你的简讯时，
心是痛着的！

by_bittercoffee

生日特别篇

2011-06-22T05:57:00.000-07:00

就连生日这一篇，
我还是会提起你。
或者应该说，
生日这么重要的日子，
我怎么会不想起你呢？

可是，今天对你而言并不重要。

其实我非常痛恨这样的自己：
无论有再多想念你的文字出现在这部落格，
你还是看不见。
就算看见了，
又能怎样？
两条平行线终究不会有交叉的一天。

去年的今天，
我们还没认识对方；
今年的今天，
“我们”这两个字已经不存在了。
我以为今年的生日会有一点点特别，
因为有你的陪伴，
可是本来的那么一点点的特别，
如今变得更特别了，
因为你的缺席让我觉得世上只剩我一个人。

都是那仅仅超过半年的回忆陪伴我度过分离了的这半年。

我一点都不开心，
好想大哭一场。
《雏菊》将会是今天的压轴，
因为男女主角的爱情很凄美，
就让我把泪流完吧！

我明明知道我们是那两条平行线，
所以只要让我这么想念你就好。

祝我生日快乐。

by_bittercoffee

十二点的钟声还没响起

2011-06-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

再过三小时就是我的生日了。

23.06.2011

我很努力的回想起以前的今天和明天，
可是我竟然想不起我到底是怎么度过的！
记忆里都是些零碎的画面，
痛恨自己的记忆力差劲。

今年的生日非常特别，
因为是在考试期间度过的。
刚考完了唯一一张让我紧张害怕的试卷，
算是上天给我的安慰吧。

非常意外的，
我的阿姨、叔叔、和两位朋友都是6月23日的寿星！
在此祝福以上三位。

没有家人的陪伴，
没有朋友的欢笑声，
我呆在宿舍里等着十二点的钟声响起。
我不是灰姑娘，
却希望得到像灰姑娘一样的幸福。

by_bittercoffee

还没能

2011-06-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

我们从前常去的小店，
一样络绎不绝；
与你常经过的道路，
依然车水马龙；
所有拥有我们快乐回忆的地方，
还是像昔日般人来人往。
只是缺少了我们，
让这些美好的地方变得不再完美。

世上的一草一木
没有因为我们的分离而迁移，
而地球还是绕着太阳转。
熙攘的街道上，
人们来回徘徊，
却带不走我悲伤的心情，
也改变不了我想念你的心，
只因我还没得放下你。
此时此刻的心情，
从前到现在都不曾改变过。

半年了，
不长也不短。
我以为我早已忘了你，
可当我看着你的照片，
我还是会触景伤情。
原来你埋藏在我内心十万尺之下，
早已根深蒂固。

我想改变什么，
可是我还没能。

by_bittercoffee

他们

2011-05-03T02:37:00.000-07:00

那个他，
不是我的初恋，
却是我第一个爱得那么深的人，
曾经以为他就是我的全世界，
可是他却把我伤得遍体鳞伤。
疗伤的过程让我伤害了许多人，
这是恶性循环吧！
我们的故事非常曲折，
回忆里的片段嘲笑着当年青涩的自己。

那个那个他，
偶然的相识造就了当时的我们。
他时常跟我说哲学，
每回我都似懂非懂地回应，
期待着下一次的哲学课，
因为那是我们最靠近的距离。
他没有喜欢我，
所以我们没有在一起，
可是他从以前到现在给我的感觉还是那么的好。

那个那个那个他，
有一双强而有力的手臂，
宽阔舒适的肩膀，
是我靠过最安全最温暖的港湾。
他的成熟稳重是我所追求的，
可是我的关怀体贴却不是他要的。
如果还有再一次拥抱的机会，
我一定不会让他有第二次的逃离，
可惜他终究不会了解。
我的爱，
躺在蓝蓝的深海里，
等着被他唤起。

那个那个他，
是与我距离最远的爱人。
我认为我是爱他的，
因为他总是那么的可爱，
总是那么的让人无法抗拒。
这段故事绚丽灿烂，
却也最短暂。
我以为我爱他不深，
可是分离总叫人寂寥伤感。
许久后，
看见他那俊俏的脸庞，
我的心还是痛的。

那个他，
有一对深邃的眼睛，
就是那双眼把我迷倒。
彼此的爱已萌芽了，
可是那段感情还没孵化就夭折了。
曾经有一段时间，
我害怕踏上那座天桥，
因为目送他离开我总会不舍地流泪。
过了好久好久的一段时间，
当我再次站在天桥上往下看，
心里是黯然神伤的，
但已不再是当年那滋味了。

那些他们，
我爱的我不爱的，
我被伤害的被我伤害的，
都在我生命里留下了足迹；
下一次的轮回，
是否依然守护着我？
被爱纵然幸福，
但我宁愿选择我爱的人爱着我，
也不愿让我不爱的人爱着我。

有爱就有伤害。

by_bittercoffee

结婚去

2011-04-27T04:50:00.000-07:00

结婚对一个女生而言，
是最重要的决定！
你决定把你的一生交到另一个人的手里，
从此，
就是两个人生活在一起。
这非常不简单！

其实
在很久很久以前，
我就已经常常在想：
以后我的婚礼一定要在白色教堂举行，
周围布满许多白色玫瑰白色丝带；
婚纱一定要用雪白色，
裙摆也要很长很长；
婚戒要我自己设计；
最重要的，
白马王子一定要是我很爱很爱的人，
而他也很爱很爱我！

最近，
听说了许多人要结婚。
我都好感动，
因为他们找到了自己的另一半，
并决定携手共度一生，
为对方许下了下半辈子的承诺！

那时的我以为，
寻寻觅觅的我终于找到了那个他，
以为他会是我这辈子的幸福；
可是到最后，
原来他不曾属于我。
所以现在的我特别感慨！

我也想结婚去啊，
可是谁来当我的男伴呢？

女生一辈子最可悲的，
莫过于嫁错郎！

祝福大家找到属于自己的幸福！

by_bittercoffee

付出=/=回报

2011-04-25T06:39:00.000-07:00

或许

那是个错误的决定。

我不该回应你，

不该让自己再次沉迷于你，

不该允许自己再次想念你。

突然觉得自己好可笑，好可悲！

当初的我不说什么，
好让你能放心地走；
后来的我才发现，

不管当时我有没有说什么，

你都会走得那么安心。

付出从不等于回报！

如果当初我能忍住不哭，
假装我什么也不知道，
你会不会停留

直到我能用力地微笑，

然后慢慢地离开？

我尊重你的选择，

所以我沉默、装作坚强，

只要你幸福快乐就好。

我的爱情因为太认真而输掉！

by_bittercoffee

思念的泪水

2011-04-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

最近的我又开始疯了，
开始想念他。
回忆里有他的都会浮现在脑海里。

非常非常意外的，
今早我竟然收到了他的短讯。
5.08am
我以为那是在梦境里，
可是又是那么的真实。
我晃了晃脑袋确定这不是梦，
可还是难以置信所发生的一切！
或许
是我不敢再奢望得到他的任何回应吧！

我以为我恨他！
可是那一瞬间我发现：
我恨不了他。

看着那短讯，
我的心情是复杂的却不恨了他！

一点的心疼
一点的想念
一点的伤心
一点的高兴
一点的..............

我坐在图书馆里，
眼泪竟然掉了下来。
我非常确定，
那是想念的眼泪！
可是这份想念只能被收藏起来。

我回到了几个月前的自己。
真的只有他，
能影响我一整天的心情。
我的天空恢复灰色。

by_bittercoffee

我是个小女孩

2011-03-16T00:08:00.000-07:00

从第一眼看见你，

我就知道我的日子不再悲，

因为你会好好地呵护着我；

我也会小心翼翼地守护这份感情，

不让它受伤！

我想念你了！

想念你撒娇的声音，

像个小孩，

多么的温柔。

不知不觉，

我也变成了个小女孩。

就想躲在他宽大的臂弯，

依赖着他。

当你沉醉在爱情里时，

不管你是个女生还是个女人，

你都会变成个小女孩。

by_bittercoffee

多年以前

2011-03-13T23:18:00.000-07:00

当时年幼无知，

也不知道那到底是爱还是纯纯的喜欢。

最终靠不了岸，

一直把那感觉搁置一旁。

如今面对时，

我竟然可以一笑而过，

嘲笑那个单纯的自己。

我从来只相信感觉。

感觉不在了，

一切就完了。

而那感觉也不会重来！

如果当初是有结果的，

或许如今的一切会不一样。

可是也很难预测那时的我们会走到今天的哪里？

毕竟我们都太年轻。

by_bittercoffee

日记本

2011-03-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

那本藏在抽屉里的日记，
本是用来记录我与他的甜蜜事迹，
如今却只能记载着我独自的伤心。

数着数着，
快乐的原来就只有那么几页；
悲伤的就是全部减去快乐的。

还记得那天，
我还特地买了不同颜色的彩色笔，
不同的颜色代表着不同的心情。
可是，
一半以上的文章是灰色的。

每每我一情绪化，
我就会向它诉苦，
过后呢心情就会好转。
可是我已有好一段时间没碰它了。
不是因为我不再伤心，
而是我对我的悲已经腻了。

再悲也没用，
因为他始终看不见。

by_bittercoffee

好转只是假象

2011-03-03T04:37:00.000-08:00

其实
我的世界并没有那么灰。

或许前一阵子是灰得黑暗的；
可现在已渐渐地好转了。
只是
我总让自己沉溺在悲伤当中，
不愿走出那边境。

这世上能用语言所表达出来的感情，
大概就只有悲伤是适合我的吧！

我明白我不该这样，
可是就当作迁就我吧！
因为只有这样，
我才觉得那些美好的过去是真实的。

请给我一些时间，
可是我不确定那期限是多久。
或许
那期限就是当我遇见下一次的幸福。

痛提醒自己受过的伤害，
悲让我记得那份甜蜜。

by_bittercoffee

重生

2011-02-28T09:14:00.001-08:00

今天
终于
我的天空不再灰！

不知怎么的，
心情特别好。
好得我有点不知所措。

或许因为
今天的我做了一个重大的决定，
那决定足以影响我一生该走的路！
所以我没时间去想起他。

或许因为
今天的我看了精湛的相声表演，
那表演让我好开心地、打从心里地笑了！
所以我没办法悲伤地想起他。

或许因为
今天的我有太多的事情等着我去完成，
那些事总烙印在我脑海里！
所以我的脑袋没有多余的空间留给他。

这是我离开他之后，
第一天那么快乐，
第一天打从心里地笑，
第一天觉得不应该再颓废下去，
第一天想要好好地爱惜自己，
第一天想要好好地享受当下。

单身让我重生！

by_bittercoffee

纵容

2011-02-27T06:28:00.000-08:00

其实书包很轻，
手里的那两袋也轻得可以。
我本可以自己一个人回宿舍，
不需要载送。

可是每每想到又要踏上那条道路，
那该死的感觉又来了。
再次沉溺在灰色世界，
因为想你的心情又来临了。

所以我才会想：
暂且纵容我吧！

爸妈送我回宿舍的路上：
我是寡言的，
心情是复杂的。

我不是因为大小姐才需要别人在送，
而是因为伤心，
所以特别想要别人的纵容
来弥补得不到的爱。

by_bittercoffee

依然是朋友

2011-02-25T00:18:00.000-08:00

如果一对情侣分开了，
大家应该可以当朋友吧？
能成为朋友吗？

曾经，
我恨他，
因为他离开了我，
没有一点提示，
没有一个理由地离开了！
我发了疯似地寻找，
也没有一点线索。
音讯全无。

当时觉得就算他不爱我了，
可是至少我们可以当朋友吧，
让我知道他的近况，
让我知道他会不会像我一样伤心。

因为我的心是系着他的，
所以我希望我们还能联系；
他的心不再系于我了，
所以他不希望有任何交际。
是这样对吧？

就算要离开，
也请你用五年十年二十年的时间来离开。

by_bittercoffee

笑

2011-02-17T07:04:00.000-08:00

不知不觉半年了，
可是却是如此的草率了结，
多少会有一些不甘吧！

是的，我只是不甘愿。
我这样告诉我自己。

我微笑，
只是不想让别人猜穿；
我放声大笑，
其实只是隐藏悲伤的其中一个途径；
我沉默，
是因为我放空不想想太多。

快乐不能被学习，
也学习不了。
快乐是发自内心地笑。

我多么地渴望我可以真正地笑，
可是我做不了。

至少我只是目前不能。

by_bittercoffee

孤单的路途

2011-02-12T11:13:00.000-08:00

从前，
是两个人的路；
如今，
却变成了我一人走的路。

这条道路还是一样，
一草一木都没变，
可是我的心情变得不一样了。
眼泪有没有流下来我忘了。

路途上，
脑子总想着你。
走这条道路上，
你总会握着我的手，
多么温暖的大手给予我温度。
我总会靠着你的肩，
多么宽大的肩膀让我依靠。

我想你了好想好想
只想知道你过得好不好？

by_bittercoffee

没办法

2011-02-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

我知道我该停止，
可是我没办法压抑那思念。

我知道你不好，
可是我没办法不对你着迷。

我知道我该放下，
可是总需要时间来冲淡一切。

我知道，我知道，我都知道。
可是我有什么办法？
说得简单，
你做得到吗？
这一切谈何容易？

快乐和伤心只是一线之差，
可是我偏偏倾向伤心的那一面！
我只能一直地徘徊，
徘徊在悲伤边缘。

只因为我没办法。

by_bittercoffee

纏繞

2011-02-05T08:05:00.000-08:00

以為睡覺可以麻痺那感覺，
因為睡覺可以讓腦袋休息，
不需要去想太多的事。
原來我錯了。

潛意識裡我還是在意的......

就算睡覺還是會夢見。
我自認控制得很好：
白天盡量不去想，
只是偶爾會放空；
可是夜裡不由得我控制，
不由自主的出現了種種畫面！
那感覺太可怕了......
每一天啊，
怎麼就纏繞著我不放呢？！

太可怕！

這是潛意識的問題。
當你越是努力的壓抑著一件事時，
它就會出現在你的夢裡，
是如此的清晰，
讓我差點以為夢裡的一切就是事實！

我現在連睡覺也害怕了，
因為裡頭總會出現某些事！

by_bittercoffee

伪装

2011-01-29T07:35:00.000-08:00

我微笑着，
可是却带着一丝伤感，
觉得很对不起自己，
因为我没好好地爱惜自己，
却也爱惜不了。

伪装带着面具在总人面前放声大笑，
我以为我掩饰得很好，
那也是我自认的最佳状态，
可是还是被猜穿了。

我崩溃了，
以睡觉来麻痹自己。
可是觉得好傻。
是的，很傻。
可是无所事事时，
又无莫名地悲伤起来。

我需要人陪。

by_bittercoffee

以为

2011-01-29T07:23:00.000-08:00

我以为一切都很好，
我以为那只是小事一桩，
我以为这只是过渡期，
我以为回到过去不远了；
然而，
这都是我以为，
事实并不如此。

我该接受了。
也是时候接受了。

可是却难免掩饰不了悲伤。

by_bittercoffee

选择

2011-01-23T07:45:00.000-08:00

我讨厌选择！

选择需要很大的勇气，
可是我天生胆小。
害怕做错决定，
害怕自己会悔不当初，
所以一直以来把那选择难题摆在一旁，
不敢触碰！
停留在原地......

选择自己爱的人呢？
还是爱自己的人？

或许后者会比较幸福吧。

可是我没有勇气踏出那一步！

by_bittercoffee

今天，感性的我

2011-01-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

突然发现，
原来身边有许关心我的人。

当我心情低落时，
会有一些人出现来安慰我；
当我闷得发慌时，
会有一些人出现让我解闷。

[ 不好意思，人数太多了，无法一一例出。请大家对号入座 ]

你们都是在乎我的人，
可是我有时反而没有好好地去了解你们、关心你们。

想说：
对不起，让你们担心了；
谢谢你们一直以来的关心。

其实我很幸福。

by_bittercoffee

失而复得

2011-01-21T19:00:00.000-08:00

你有试过这感觉吗？
失而复得，
这是一种很可怕的感觉——让人又爱又恨！

你有一件很重要的东西不见了，
你以为它从此就这样消失了；
可是后来你又发现原来它并没有不见。

这时你会很开心很开心，
就像整个人飘到天上去，
晚上也会睡得特别香甜、安慰。

我不想再有这种感觉，
属于我的东西就不该不见。

by_bittercoffee

心情的写照

2011-01-13T19:45:00.000-08:00

此时此刻的心情就像窗外的天空——灰色阴沉，没有一点的蓝色。
我不喜欢。
而且还下着雨，所以显得有点朦胧。
这正是我内心世界的写照，
许多的不确定与迷茫。

我不喜欢灰色的天空；
我喜欢灰色的字迹，因为那是伤感！

这心情：
也许是失恋，也许是孤独

14 January 2011
12.26pm
by_bittercoffee

Up-and-down

2010-11-23T07:27:00.000-08:00

My blog is being covered with dust, a super thick one, for a long time, but I have no time to clear away the dirt. Feel so sorry to my lovely blog which has been accompanying me whenever up-and-down, and I realized that blogging is undoubtedly the best way to abreact the extreme feelings.

I just finished Biology mock exam today and I did it badly, couldn't finish the paper in time. Then, I'll have IELTS test on this saturday morning which means that I couldn't go back home this weekend. And, I have no more time to be wasted over the journey travel back and forth because I am having 3 mock exams next week !

Well, from August onward, sadness always by my side, everything just not in streamline. I noticed that I smile lesser, and tears is my best companion for most of the nights. Yes, love never simple, but communication is the staple problem of it. I have been trying so hard to protect myself from hurts, like a hermit crab, but I just cannot stow the exuberant feelings. It leaked out somehow. I always remind myself to be strong and not to have feelings like sadness and anger whenever they impinge upon me.

I'd like to buy the exquisite hand-made fabric cover of diary which I saw it in Poco, because I want to own a diary. The reason why I still not start to write diary yet is because I haven't found a fancy diary. And yet, the cover that I mention will resolve the problem. I must buy it in the next visit though it's quite expensive.

by_bittercoffee

Love never simple

2010-10-05T04:15:00.000-07:00

Formerly, I was so naive think that love is as simple as ABC, it only requires a girl and a guy love each other wholeheartedly, other factors would not be a hindrance or even the reasons to pull them apart. However, I just realized that this thought never exist in this world -- a cruel fact I discover.

Love never simple.
Love is the most abstruse question for discussion ever. Everyone learning how to love in his or her lifetime. If you fail, you'll suffer the anguish consequence, dump by your loved one. The aftermaths can be greatly severe, one may not believes in love anymore or loss confidence in love.

Love is about attitude of a person. If you're a selfish person, you'll not live a blissful life eventually; if you're not considerate enough, you'll make your loved one down very often. He or she may feels badly for the whole day merely because of a single word come out from his or her love one's mouth.

It's like a seedling, sackful of love and care need to irrigate the small plant as it especially requires more.
I'm trying so hard to love you and to understand you, but we seems become farer and farer apart. You'd never know that I was crying when I said :" Oh, it' nothing." Is it a fault to love you ?
by_bittercoffee

Shall I ?

2010-09-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

I miss you so much, do you know that all this while ?
I hope the one you said was me, the only one, no one else and won't be other one.
Nothing could replace you in bottom of my heart.
You has been wobbling my thought for many times, but you never realize it. And I sure it will goes on for the rest of my life.
No one could ever dacker me, except you !
My thoughts are swaying all the time because of you, and I felt guilty.
My feeling upon you has become stronger and stronger as far as no one could judges about it.
Sometimes, I think that that is kinda stupid to miss a person that might not love me. Moreover, he doesn't know about it.
I miss you every second, every moment, and whatever I am doing.
Do you ?
You are unreadable and elusory.
Shall I be the one, the only one in this world, to rely on you, to care you and to love you ?

by_bittercoffee

Special for someone. The one that told me about stars, sunrise and sunset.

It's back.

2010-07-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you think it is coming near to you, but in fact it is not. And this is exactly what I am feeling right now. All of this just doesn't seem correct! I really hate to say that the feeling has come back! You know what the feeling I am talking about, and you know that this is the circumstance I scared the most. But it did really get back to me, how sad it is. I am totally out of my wits, feeling like want to get away from everything, stop to hear anything, or just let my mind be blank.

At the very start, I have been asking myself if this is the right choice. My heart answer me, since you have already decided, that's it...not much you have to think over. The thought induced me to put aside all the doubts and worries for a while. Then when I looked at your unsophisticated eyes, all the thoughts that feared me were gone. So, I didn't think about the worries anymore. However, it does come back to me over and over again. But then I tried hard to persuade myself that nothing to be worried about. This sounds like I am escaping something right ? Yea, I do. Something, something that I have no dare to confront.

I have no idea what I should do now, neither I could halt nor continue.

Rose is so beautiful and yet it is thorny.
I looked at the vermeil rose and yet I was feeling sad.

There's a secret deep in my heart. Big one.

by_bittercoffee

I miss you

2010-07-14T02:36:00.000-07:00

Although you just away for few days, merely 3days, but I am so upset these few days. Just because you're out of my vision.
Am I too dependent on you ? Maybe I just miss you toooo much. I miss you lovely voice, your lovable songs...LOL.

I hope I have Doraemon by my side, therefore I can borrow his "Anywhere Door". Once I open the magic door, you'll appear in front of me and hug me tightly.
I didn't meet you for 2 days, this cause me to feel that you are thousand million miles apart from me. However, I deem that if you're at your home and I'm at my hostel, this lonely and suffering feeling wouldn't exist even though we have not meet for few days.
Every single hour just like one day -- suffering. I want to shout out my feeling to you loudly !!!
Pity me.........no body accompany me this weekend !!! Sad case.

I do miss you very much...
Stupid SSS...I hate you.

by_bittercoffee

The impact

2010-07-09T05:30:00.000-07:00

Sigh, I thought the impact he left behind was negligible. Or I should say, the effect had vanished long time ago because he did influenced me time after time before this. And I deemed the aftermath had cleared away when my heart broke into million pieces, but it seems ain't like that.

The feeling of scare and insecure are with me all the time, whenever and wherever I am. They follow me and retain within me. I know their existence, but I just ignored them and think that everything will be fine then. However, I still can't cope with it though I'm working hard for it. Oh ya, please don't think that I am still loving that damn guy, am just talking about the terribly impact he gave me. What is the impact then ? Well, he made me afraid of being fall in love -- insecure more exactly, or doesn't believe in it anymore.

When it comes, I think I can manage it well. Yea, it is apparently, but isn't went on smoothly deep in my heart. Perhaps, time is the thing I need after all. And, maybe patient ?! It's just too hard to cope with the contradiction, rushes on everything indicate terminates it ahead of time.

by_bittercoffee

0623

2010-06-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

LOL, since I start the post with "LOL", you can guess that my mood is quite good. All of this is because of many surprises I got in this year birthday.

Firstly, the message inbox is like usual -- a great many birthday wishes from my friends, including him. I was standing in amazement, I thought he won't wish me even though he remember my birthday because I rake over him when his birthday.
Surprisingly, there are 10 people called me to wish me, and some of them even sang the birthday song to me. Haha, this year was the first year I received calls from friends that wish me happy birthday. And the number of calls are amazedly many ! What I can reply them only thank you and laughter. Hahahaaa.
I didn't expect that I'll receive any pressie from anyone, but I was pleasantly surprised that I did get some pressies from my friends.
One more thing, my aunt that is same birthday with me visit to my house today. Haha, I do miss her, my uncle and my lovely cousin that is from China. So we snapping at FGS DongZen in the afternoon and have a chat with them. Will pay a visit to Genting before my cousin goes back to China.
At night, I had dinner at Tao which located in Kota Damansara with a special person. I thought we'll go back after that, but we went to Puchong to look on the night view. That is the place that I intend to go long time ago, but no chance allow me to witness the beauty of Puchong. Today, I witness the sheenful Puchong. Satisfied.

However, he didn't call me or even text me to wish me a happy birthday.
Maybe I am just too clinging to his wish.
Yea, I'm. I do miss him so much.

by_bittercoffee

愿望

2010-06-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

以往的我，总是很期待生日的到来。
因为总是期待着心爱的人给我的惊喜；就算没有也没关系，只要他陪在我身边，那就够了！
现在的我，却对生日没有特别的兴奋。
因为我心爱的人不在我身边，就连一句生日快乐都没有！

今年是第三年单身的生日，可悲啊，没市场咯！
我并没有想要大势的庆祝，也不希望别人费心的挑礼物给我。
不知怎么的，突然对生日没有怎样特别的感觉。
还不是普普通通的一天，平凡地呼吸着大家所呼吸的空气；上天也不会特别眷顾我，让他陪在我身边！不要说陪在我身边，就连见个面门儿都没！

其实，我不喜欢吃蛋糕。至今，只有那天在豆原吃的柠檬蛋糕让我回味无穷；并不是那味道特别好，只是吃出了做蛋糕的人的用心还有主人热情地招呼。
还有把蜡烛吹一吹，生日愿望也不会真的实现。
可是，生日愿望嘛，我还是会许，总要给自己一个希望一个机会嘛！
我的愿望是如斯简单，如斯单纯，可也是最难实现的。

苦咖啡，生日快乐。

我还真希望你出现，带我去茅草山呢，Haiz...

by_bittercoffee

Y

幸福与不灭

2010-06-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

现在的我，只想好好地隐藏心中的那把火。

它会在我心里，不灭；
但，我只想把它藏起来。
就算被别人发现了，一笑而过将会是我回答的方式；
我爱他，并没有什么好讨论的。

也因为，我没勇气！
我，不过是个没勇气的家伙。

从前的我，接受一个人都不经过大脑思考。
被伤害了，轮到我伤害别人；是因为害怕了，所以就得像刺猬一样保护自己。
后来的后来这几年，身边出现了很多人，可是我发觉原来要找一个真正适合和相爱的人真的很难，因为你一生中或许就只有那么一个！

我最讨厌那些把那分手当口头禅的情侣，多么幼稚；
反之，我很羡慕那些恩爱的小两口，因为他们知道何为珍惜。

我现在心里唯一的想法就是：他幸福就好！
我不是在伴伟大，只是这是我单身的这些年来所领悟的一些事。

相爱没那么容易啊！
因为这是两个人的事，一个人是永远办不到的。

我的心，慢慢的，慢慢的，沉淀了。

by_bittercoffee

R

一个人

2010-05-31T23:14:00.000-07:00

曾经好几次冲动地想让你知道，想对你坦白，
可是最终还是努力地压抑着自己的情感。
深怕一爆发，后果并不是自己想象的那样！

我在想，何时应该告诉你？
又或许，没这必要。

发觉，你我的距离太遥远了。
领悟，你我似乎不太可能。
伤感，你从来没真正地看过我。
明白，单恋原来是件痛苦的事。

原来，我还是一个人。
一个人。

by_bittercoffee

E

不经意

2010-05-31T08:23:00.000-07:00

你总是不经意地说一些会让人误会的字眼，
你总是不经意地说一些会让人伤心的字眼；
你的不经意总是让人欢喜让人忧。
你的不经意是故意还是真的不经意？
我好想问你，可是“算了吧”是你常说的话。
难道你不知道这是敷衍吗？
再一次，心落空了！

一直猜不透你的心，所以更想闯进你的内心。

懊恼！
懊恼是因为你猜不透的心思，
懊恼是因为你的心芳从没让我进去过，
懊恼是因为你的敷衍。

可是你从来都不知道这一切。

对了，你最近变得有点冷漠。
难道你知道了吗？

by_bittercoffee

R

past

2010-05-31T00:23:00.000-07:00

Once, you hurted me deeply but I still loving you so much. You choose not to appreciate my love but cheated me once and again. Eventually, my little fragile heart broke like crystal and it is no longer repairable, scars are emerged after the wounds stitched. However, I appreciate the hurts you gave me, it enable me to grow more mature, and discern what are guys' real features and how hypocritical they are.

Well, I am glad that I never forget your birthday or specially call it to rememberance. It is impossible to delete you completely from my mind, the remnant of the memories still rewinding in recollection. I am not computer or electrical device, I can't entirely forget a person by just clicking a button. I will not forget you because you are pasrt of my past, your existence prove that I lived in the past.

You told me not to rest on the past, we must look forward and the past should not affect the present time. I tried hard and finally I succeed in letting you go, not being able to affect my life anymore.

Happy Birthday to you.

Orange, your favourite colour.
This is the last post I wrote about you, no more post about you will ever appear in my blog after this because my heart accomodate with another person, there is no more space for you.

0526
by_bittercoffee

旅程

2010-05-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

没有你的旅程，少了一份甜蜜。

没有你的旅程，多了一份孤单。

我邀请你加入我的生活旅程，可以吗？

因为孤单的夜，寂静得很，让我害怕；

因为想你的夜，太多了，这是种折磨；

因为呼吸的每一个氧气原子，都是你的影子；

因为你总是出现在我的记忆里，挥霍不去；

因为我想要每天都告诉你：我。爱。你。

突然好想你！

[ 我猜不到你真正的感觉，

思念写成脸上的黑眼圈。

有的时候我宁愿你对我坏一点，

无法停止幻想我们的永远。

爱你是孤单的心事，不懂你微笑的意思，

只能像一朵向日葵在夜里默默地坚持；

爱你是孤单的心事，多希望你对我诚实，

一直爱着你，用我自己的方式。

我在你心里，有没有一点特别？

就怕你终究没发现，我还在你身边。]

-- 孤单心事

by_bittercoffee

明白

2010-05-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

望着辽阔的蓝天，我想着你在想什么呢？

你心里想的那个人，会是我吗？

你心情不好时，我想安慰你，可是我不是个很会安慰别人的人，尤其是面对你。

所以我只想安静地陪着你。静静的。
你问我，值得那样做吗？

是的，值得的。因为想让你知道，你并不是一个人。

好比里头粉色的小花，它并不孤单。

我想在你身边，可以吗？

[ 我只是要你明白，明白我对你的爱。

除了你，我的爱无法取代。

我只是要你明白，明白我对你的爱。

没有人，让我如此的依赖。]

--丁当

by_bittercoffee

梦见了

2010-05-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

你总不相信我说的话，总是质疑我说的一切。虽然我知道你只是说说而已，可是那些无心伤害的话却刺痛了我的心。

真的，这又是一个梦见你的夜晚。
因为你的出现，所以那是一个很甜很甜的梦。可是我竟然忘了那梦里的故事！
下次，下次我一定要把所有有你的梦境都记起来，那我才有证据！不会再哑口无言了。

最近的梦，总是出现你的影子。越来越想你了。该如何好呢？

现在好想见你，好想听你的声音！

by_bittercoffee

改变

2010-05-12T01:16:00.000-07:00

从今天起，我改用华语来写部落格。
因为我不想让你知道我写的一切都是关于你，

因为我知道你不会看华语，

因为我想好好埋藏这秘密。

因为，你不属于我。

说或不说只是一线之差，或许有一天我内心里的小小火山爆发时，我会告诉你这秘密。

by_bittercoffee

I am falling for you

2010-05-09T23:33:00.000-07:00

I dreamed of you again...whenever the situation with your existence will be a sweet memory, regardless of any grief happened. The answer is simply because of you. Because of you, everything just becomes fine.

It is the first time I feel that you are the one who I really wanted desperately. Even though I am well-known that I am not eligible for it, perhaps, but I would like to have a try. Definitely not now. It needs time to prove the feeling, it cannot barely say but no action. Yes, I deem. You stepped into my heart with a minuet at first. However, the flower blossomed out suddenly these few days, futhermore bestrew the lake of love with those small yet pretty flowers.

You are not a man in the street, you are such an extraodinary guy to me as the first person that I like the whole shoot, including your weakness and whatever not good. All your weakness converted to the good ones automatically. The one who gives the feeling to me as you would never be found in my life ever again because you are impossible to find on the other earth. Perhaps I am crazy for you, so I see no spot in you. Moreover, I feel distressed about the situation you are in now. I wished I could console and caress you as you stray from the right path, but you seemed found the correct way of life. I am very happy with that indeed.

My dear, has a nice day...

by_bittercoffee

missing you

2010-05-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

I miss you, but I didn't tell you. Unless the degree of missing you reach a certain level, and it is incapable to be kept in the small room, heart, anymore. I want to tell you how badly I miss you every moment, but I am feared of the ignoring attitude again. And, I just don't understand you: Is someone deep in your heart that you cannot let go? In fact, a simple sentence, is enough to lighten up my day. But you would never tell me this.

The fist size little thing is pumping as long as I am still alive in this world. Whithin my body, the red colour blood circulate in the body over and over again. It is just blood. Besides carrying oxygen and nutrients to the body cells, blood also transports hormone to stimulate my body cells to miss you. So, the body cells brim of your charmingly images and your lovely voice. I can't stop to miss you.

It is undeniable that you grow in my heart, like a seed; whenever I miss you, nutrients are added to it, allowing this wonderful creature to become the flower with mellow hue. But the extraordinary of this small flower is the immortality of it's soul. Yes, it has a soul. This indicates that no end in this path, I have to continue it for life.

11.00am
by_bittercoffee

You are my star

2010-05-05T01:17:00.000-07:00

You asked me:" Why are the stars so beautiful and why they are blinking all the time?" Lol, I regard this as a science question. Stars are blinking because the atmosphere is always windy and fluctuating, result in the position of the images are always changing. Hence, the stars appear to twinkle. This is my answer at first. But you told me that the stars are twinkling just because of the unique one, that is you. By the reason of you are chosen, so the eye of the night are twinkling.

Well, I have no idea about it. People always say the starry sky is beautiful. To my way of thinking, this is because of the foil of the dark background makes the stars are dazzling. Hence, the starlit night can be extraordinary lovely. However, I do believe that everyone on earth are unique, as you said, as well as the stars above the sky.

What you said today is not like what you would say normally. But I can trace it in your blog, the sentences you wrote are pretty and sentimental. I love to read your blog. Hopefully I can understand you more and more. And I wish what you said is exactly what you think in your mind...Hrm...

I am looking forward the time when we meet because I am gonna to impress you, baby. Lol ~

by_bittercoffee

< I hope >

2010-05-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

You would never know that I like you. Even though you knew about it, but you just ignored it.

I hope to get your call whenever I need someone to be by my side.
I hope to see you whenever I miss you.
I hope to get your message though it is only a "hi."
I hope I can by your side when you feel stress.
I hope I can accompany you in your sleepless night until you fall sleep.
I hope I can make some food and take it for you when you say you have no time to eat.
I hope to take good care of you so that you won't fall sick easily.

And yet, all of those "I hope" above would not come true.
I also hope that you are my guardian angel. But your burden seems like too heavy, and I just don't want to bother you. Besides, I should not emerge in your world, and throw your life into confusion. I have no choice but to keep this secret in my heart.

by_bittercoffee

currently

2010-04-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

We cannot make decisions too fast because there maybe an unexpected turning point lying ahead. Many examples around me prove that this is a virtual fact. One may says:" I certainly won't do this ", but he or she did it at last. This shows how unbelievable that person is; it related to one's character. So, instead of making decision in a short time, I will say:" we do not know what will happen in the end, so just wait and see". It is hatred to speak out my opinion in this way as it sounds quite irresponsible in some ways. Whenever I convey the message something like that, it must be a speechless situation or I have no any idea about it.

In my mind, it is actually something impossible to achieve, but I just don't want to conclude that it must not happen on me as transition of the process or decision may takes place. However, this kind of words cause many troubles to me as well as others, I deem. Because of the remarks, perhaps, people start to pursue it whereas I do not want it to happen. Causing a grief circumstance arise ultimately. How sad it is. Then, I could only speechless for it.

Sometimes, things simply happen naturally, do not change it purposely. I'm unsecured once again. I hope I can love someone whom I can really rely on, and the person love me too. However, there's no one. The reason why I aspire after love is due to I am sicked of the life at present time. I yearn after the caressing of my loved one, and give me a hug when I am moody.

The one I loved that don't like me.

by_bittercoffee

The eyes

2010-04-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

Look at your picture, I realized that, maybe you love me very much. I could know that because you wore the birthday present, the shirt, that I presented you last two years. You are still the same...still the handsome one. The brown eyes are brimming with vigour always attract my eyesight.
Your eyes is the prettiest I have ever seen. When looking into your eyes, I could see the clear reflection. You always give me such a special feeling. However, I can't regard you as a normal friend, but not also a lover.

I want you to care about me, I want you to do everything for me, I want you to show me your love, I want all I wanted you to do so.

Can I merely say: " I love your eyes. "
Or,
can I barely say: " I love the orange-yellow shirt. "
Can I ?

1.32 am
by_bittercoffee

初恋的味道

2010-04-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

初恋是最单纯的爱，没有目的，没有邪念，就是单纯的爱一个人。

我的初恋。五年了。

多年的今天，我竟然会回顾当时的回忆。我想倒带吗？不！我后悔了吗？不！初恋是每个人必经的成长过程，但愿你的初恋是个美好的回忆！当你回首时，你会会心地一笑，想说：啊......那就是最初最初的感觉。可是，我已忘了初恋的味道。我不知道那该算是甜蜜还是天真，那......到底算不算是爱？反思了好久，顶多只能算是纯粹的好感。然后在一起的日子久了，慢慢地习惯了对方的存在，让我错觉地以为：那就是爱。

看了初恋红豆冰（和海角七号的观后感一样），我的心泛起了阵阵的涟漪......
久久不能平息的心情，是感慨男孩和女孩最后都错过了彼此。相爱的两人，最后只能擦肩而过，成为陌路人。
Botak对打架鱼的默默付出，真是感触到我内心......希望自己喜欢的人，也会为自己那样做！如果真是那样，我一定毫不犹豫地嫁给他！（T & C：我爱的人）

感触良多。

爱的感觉，总是靠近我又远离我。你是无法体会那感觉的啦！我宁愿我不要爱过，那就不会有心痛的感觉了。深深受过伤的心，一次又一次，狠狠的，没有留下一句话，离开了。我竟然害怕爱的感觉！

Quoted from Yong Yi:
圆月有缺的时候，相对的圆缘也有不完美的时候。

10.03pm 19.04.2010
by_bittercoffee

New perception

2010-04-19T02:32:00.000-07:00

From that time on, I don't believe in LOVE anymore. I start to contemplate what is love means and what is my intention wanna be loved ? I deem love happen naturally, the fire just break out unconsciously. You have no way to turn back, the only way is to continue your love. Some may get the blissed relationship, but some others may not.

There are many good guys in this world, but seem like will never happen to me. This result in myself not to trust that damned thing anymore ! I am fear to come across that lovely but frightful thing because it make me feel insecure once again. I really really hate that feeling. You may think that I'm pessimist, but that's the only feeling I have.

People always make a rod for one's own back, just like me....fear for it, but ask for it still. Sigh. The feeling of loving a person that impossible have the outcome is the worst one. It's suffered yet intoxicated.
Love someone doesn't mean must having he or she, as long as the one you loved is happy. But the problem is you are leading a stressful life, yet I am incapable to lighten up your day.

I'm trying hard to understand more about you, but you close the only passage.

by_bittercoffee

Tears...

2010-02-21T05:52:00.000-08:00

Tears,
first drop,
second drop,
dropped on my shirt.

The small volcano within me comes to the end of its endurance and erupted eventually...

I tried to suppress it from streaming, but all of my efforts are in vain. I am upset everytime I come back to here, but I never weep for it, the tears had been swallowing back to my body and forgotten. This is the first time I cry in my hostel.

I am thinking about him, I want to text him a message...ask him to console my incomplete heart and say that we are only able to be friends, couldn't more than that. I haven't even able to type a word, he called me just in time. When I heard his voice, I cried even more badly. He very gan jiong, keep asking me what had happened. Then he started to scold me:" Play play play, no need to study la, how you going to be independent in your future ?" I could feel his caring though he was scolding me, I miss the past, but the feeling just couldn't allow me to go back...

I am so selfish, I had hurted him....I know he is back to me earnestly this time, but I only need his caring, nothing else.

I need caring ~
But ignored his love ~

by_bittercoffee ^^

Guilty

2010-02-18T08:51:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I have deep thoughts and feelings today. Scenario of Taiwan episode are on view animatedly.

W drive swiftly to airport in order to send-off her lover. We, 4 of us are very gan jiong for her, because the time is silently approached. Yet, we took the wrong road, this made us even more gan jiong because we are severely had inadequate of time. W was extremely nervous and keep asking which is the correct route. She said she doesn't want to go when we are still on the way heading to airport, but we know she meant another. Who does not want to see his or her lover when he or she is going to somewhere far and meet only once or twice a year ?!

W is very tense until her eyes run with tears. Hopefully, W meet with his lover eventually before he enters the entrance gate. Fortunately, this didn't leave a remorse memory behind. In fact, this inspire me a lot.

I'm so compunction the whole day today. Felt so sorry...gosh !!! My heart is unstable, and I am utterly out of the way. I should make clear of it, don't fall into the trap or cause any needless misunderstandings. Believe me, my heart still there...nothing's gonna change my love for you.

p/s: Everyone should grab his or her blessed by his or her own, but I am just too timid -- I'd rather deceive myself it is there rather than hear the cruel reality.

by_bittercoffee ^^

Single...stiLL

2010-02-16T23:06:00.000-08:00

Yea, I'm still single !!!

I have never receive Valentine's gift for 19 years, what a pity !!! With the love one who stay in my heart, but not pass the Valentine's day with him, because I know my position in his heart -- no position.
Hahaaa, looking forward his words, his approaches to me, and even his greetings...but I waited nothing, expected. Sigh...I'm after his carings, but he never !!!

LOL, I'm just too happy, because he finally says something to me face to face. Hey, don't think nonsense ya, merely normal conversation. But I don't know this is a good sign or otherwise ?! He told me before that he can't treat me normally like other people because I'm special, but yesterday he spoke to me, is that means I have become to normal friend and no longer special in his heart ??? I am scared, I'd never ask him questions that hidden in my heart for a long long period , because I scare the answers unveil would unfavorable. I am really afraid of !!!

Waiting, still waiting...

The song that he like,

Nothing's gonna change my love for you,
you ought to know by now how much I love you,
one thing you can be sure of,
I'll never ask for more than your love.

by_bittercoffee ^^

No more...

2010-02-05T01:09:00.000-08:00

I stood still erectly, looking at the road ahead of me. More precisely, it is a T-junction. I stand aright at the bustle intersection point where vehicles are passing. It was a sweltering afternoon, beams of sunlight reflect on my face fervidly. Intolerable high temperature compelled the transpiration rate in my body to increase, sweat beaded on my forehead.

There is a parking space that I acquaintance with, my eyes fixed on the confine space spontaneously. However, the Rabbit would not wait for me at there anymore. The same situation I'm in now and the vehicles on the road are likewise -- nothing special, everything is the same as always ostensibly. But, there is a significant diffference for me !

It isn't there anymore, no more. I want to pursue after it, but grievely it prevent me from chasing. I miss it's smile, the dazzingly one. I just, I just want it to smile merely for me once again, this would satisfy my cupidity.

When the Rabbit will stop there only for me once more ?

I miss you, do you ?

by_bittercoffee ^^

the PASSION

2010-02-03T02:06:00.000-08:00

It's still remain fresh in my memory that the purpose I open this blog is to note down the sweet and sour in my life. But...I found that the enthusiastic flame have gone out. The times I write on here become lesser and lesser, unless there is something special.

I read all of my older posts and I found that I am actually an absolute pessimist, as most of my friends said, my blog is always grief. Well, I hope I'm not. LOL, from this day onwards, I want to rekindle the blaze I once had, with no more entirely sorrow, but a bit as complements of my tedious writing.

On 01012010, I read a horoscopic book. The book mentions that Cancers have a hard life this year and there is only 1 star for the all-year luck. Gosh, see...how awful it is, sigh. Yea, I should work really really hard for this year to do my best in the external exams. Hope I could attain my targets and aim for A* ( 90/100%; so-called A star ), but only abnormal can get A*. I know I couldn't get it ( I'm too stupid ) but just take it as an impetus that always remind me to work hard, xD.

MUET and IELTS worrying me much. Sigh.....only english in my life, no more chinese ya !!! Seriously, Esthar, PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH !!! I'm not "chuan" , but I have to speak english. Bear in mind, whoever speaks other than english will be amersed to treat a meal. Thanks for your co-operation.

by_bittercoffee ^^

Shopping...

2010-01-29T03:41:00.000-08:00

Players: York Hang, Ling Ming, Miss Coffee

Venue: 1 Utama

After class, we went to 1U for shopping !!!

Chinese New Year is around the corner, but I still haven't owned even a new cloth yet. So, I asked them to go to 1U.

Shopping list:

1. branded wallet

2. english fiction book

3. mascara

4. honey

5. perfume

6. nail polish

7. clothes

8. jeans short-pants

I hope I'm not too greedy for all those above. But, I only bought 1 cloth and english fiction book !!! Isshhh, broke but daren't to request for more money. Is there anyone vonlunteer to present me as CNY or Valentine's Day pressies ?! xD...sad case sia. I want the wallet......and the perfume !!! Hmph...keep thinking of it though on the way back home, haiz.

Well, we had our dinner at Xian Ding Wei. Hrm, quite a good recommendation to you guys. I ordered an oyster noodle while the other two pretties ordered sets. It's tasty, at least it suit our appetite, but how about yours' ? Yet, I like it's chilli sauce...It is considered as spicy for me, so it's really hot for those whose taste are lite.

p/s: WALLET...I want you badly !!!

by_bittercoffee ^^

What happened on me ?

2010-01-23T20:41:00.000-08:00

What had happened on me ???
I knew it well, something uneaseness that I couldn't control.
But I have to control it, prevent it from expending immensely inside my body.

I was really REALLY really
shocked + feared + grieved
when heard what you said to me.
It really surprised me and made me wordless instantly.
Actually disappointed rather than shocked.
What you guessed was right, my voice was deep and sullen...
Please don't take that as a joke with me, I scared...
You know, I totally relieved when I knew the fact >.<"

Sigh, I don't know what are you thinking about ?!
But you do so close with me...
Maybe the life way we lead are different and it means not much to you after all, but it takes root in my heart tardily.
I don't know what should I do ?
It's more than I expected...
INSECURE, I don't want to be hurted anymore !!!

p/s: I feel distress the lifestyle you lead...overwhelmed by pressure, but I was even more sad for I can't help you at all !!!

by_bittercoffee ^^

he CHANGE...

2010-01-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

I am surprised that you had changed totally !!!

I am touch when you told me all that.

My tears almost come out of my eyes, my feeling was complicated........

Actually, I miss you too.

But why? Why the time just doesn't match ???

You are the one who ever gave me the feeling,

THE ONE,

as your name, The One.

I think I very understand you,

about your characters, attitudes, and manners,

I know about you thoroughly !!!

From our talk,

I know you change is because of me,

I believe it and accept it,

yet.....very happy with it !!!

Previously,

I had a mind intend to turn you into a good egg,

but I failed to do so since then.

Now,

I realized that I did it actually!!!

Maybe I should thanks to XXX,

due to her words, he change........

I respect you as my mom, and I miss you too !!!

But...........all of these are just too late.

If, if you told me all of these when your birthday,

I must nod my head as a child.

However, you had missed the golden opportunity that given for you.

I just want to tell you, you are SUCCESS !!!

YOU ARE SUCCESS !!!

Just keep on the pace, and maybe few years later everything will be different ?!

Including my perception on you ?!

Who knows ??!!

You can do that without me.....

Believe yourself and believe me too, I will always be with you though when you need me.

Keep on changing,

until I think you passed my requirements.

Today is a good day indeed !!!

by_bittercoffee ^^

what IF

2010-01-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

What if

we never meet.

What if

we never know each other.

What if

we never contact.

What if

I never admit it.

What if

you never admit it.

What if

I never fall in love with you.

What if

the past are not memories.

What if

we never be like now.

What if

you love me.

What if

What if,

I'm your lover...

Then all the above WHAT IF would not be established.

by_bittercoffee ^^

StiLL

2009-12-27T07:50:00.001-08:00

Still, no any progress as I expected.

STRANGERS...
WHATEVER....

Maybe we are not considered as Friend as well,
because we never talk, no contact, even never have eye contact.
I don't kow why and when we have become like this?!
Yet, all of this just like come very naturally, without any sign.
*it, never been explained...
It's horrible and fearful.
Well, these are definitely NOT what I want.

But....nothing I could do right ?!
So what is the next step I should take?

KEEP CHASING PAVEMENTS,
EVEN IF IT LEADS NO WHERE...

by_bittercoffee ^^

SORENESS always beside me

2009-12-05T19:24:00.000-08:00

Tearful,
tearful,
tearful,

Suffering,
suffering,
suffering,
suffering,
suffering,
suffering,
suffering,
suffering.

Grief,
grief,
grief.

Pain,
pain,
pain.

Finally languish.

by_bittercoffee T.T

At least...

2009-11-28T23:48:00.000-08:00

I can't read your mind,
I don't even know what are you thinking.
You so cool to me recently,
do you know that I'm upset because of this?

Just be friend,
I knew about this..........

But,
at least you don't leave me in a sudden,
I can't get used the life without you.
Can you slow down your pace to leave me ?
Can you use 50 years to leave me SLOWLY ?

Can you leave me slowly ???

Your sudden changed of attitude upset me,
360 degree changed.......
I wonder if you miss me everyday before you sleep ?!

No one can read your mind.

I rather be a vampire,
so that I can read your mind,
at least I won't be suffering as now......

Miss you so much....

by_bittercoffee ^^

Inconsolable

2009-11-26T20:30:00.000-08:00

I cover my face with blanket,
I realized, it is dark,
I couldn't see anything...
How stupid I am.

Just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere ?!
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place,
should I leave it there?

Tears drop into my heart,
bitter and salty indicate my feeling.
How thorny my heart is,
sorry....
It's unacceptable,
I just couldn't accept it as a FACT !!!

I'm inconsolable............

Why?
I thought *IT* once again come near to me,
but it leave me cruelty eventually,
only LONELY and GRIEVE accompany me late at night.

Love
is
BEAUTIFUL
however,
it
sometimes
TORTURE
one's
brittle
heart.

Brittle is a material which breaks without undergoes plastic deformation.
Yet,
the material is exactly my heart.

STAY OR LEAVE

by_bittercoffee ^^

Black face

2009-11-21T08:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know whether you know that I angry or not?!

I HATE YOU !!!!

Wanna show you my black face the whole night,
but I can't do that eventually,
because I cannot show when I see your face.
Coz I miss you and really want to see you.
Haiz......

I just don't know what are you thinking ?!
You act like you never care about me,
you know how it hurts ???

Do you really LIKE me?
You do give me hope sometimes,
but you disappointed me still.

Or maybe you just don't know what does a girl think and what does she want?
If I think like that,
I would feel better.

Please,
please give me confidence ever and agah....
So that *it* would not fade !!!!

I miss you every moment,
can you feel it?

by_bittercoffee ^^

your back view

2009-11-15T05:10:00.000-08:00

Once again,
today is Friday....

Moody + upset

But this time is a bit different,
the most is because of you.....

The destination become nearer and nearer....
My heart very 'bu she de' you in fact !!!

I stand on the bridge and look after you approach your car,
then just walk down the stair.
As I seeing your back view,
haiz....
Sad feeling..... !!!!!

Surprisingly,
you mean to me more than I expected.
This consider as good or bad news ??!!

I need your hug,
your reassurance,
your confidence.....

I miss you so much,
think of me at 12am everyday....
Lol,

by_bittercoffee ^^

Disappointed

2009-11-13T06:12:00.000-08:00

I'm just so disappointed....
Haiz,

I don't know whether you will see this post or not ?!
But,
seriously....
I rather you don't come back,
at least.....
At least there is hope against hope on you.
I was so excited before you come back,
you would never know how happy I was !!!
But....
But....
But....
You just seems like the other way round.
I'm just too upset about it,
Girl is very sensitive,
you never know about this.
Just because of what you commented in my FB is for Ngo but not me !!!!
At least you should show that you care about me in fact.
However,
you didn't !!!!!!!!
You know ???!
What I said 'qing xim',
is really qing xim....

Fine,
because I'm not the important one to you,
but you are the one always affected my emotion !!!
Moreover,
I heard something about you.....
So HURT !!!

And I just don't know everything about you,
so I don't have the might to doubt on you,
you never tell me what are you thinking ?!
Quite sicken me !!!

p/s: Today no more ^^
but a crying emotion.....

by_bittercoffee T.T

You make me smile

2009-11-08T04:43:00.000-08:00

Once again,
today is Sunday.
I HATE SUNDAY !!!
This day always make me down and sad !!!

I HATE SUNDAY !!!

Down+upset+stress+moody+quiet+unlovely look

In order to increase the reliable of this experiment,
this scenario is repeated every week.
And the conclusion is SUNDAY will make WJ very down.

On the bus,
I never talk,
never smile.
My face was so 'busuk'.
The journey was so long to me today !!!
I need a hug,
a warmth and lovely big hug.
In fact,
it is suffering !!!

I need accompanies of friends and family !!!
I hate HELP !!!
Why I must study here ?!

BUT,
your message made me smile,
delighten my heart.
I was smiling to myself in the train,
people may think that I am asn insane !!!

Whatever la,
at least you make me smile.
Miss you.

by_bittercoffee ^^

Looking forward

2009-11-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

Yeah,
1 more week !!!!
Lol.....so happy,
so excited !!!!
Wakakaa.

You want your song?
I don't remember I owed you any song?!
Yet,
I know my face is chubby,
you want to pinch me meh?
I have gained weight,
sigh....
I'm not skinny lor.....

Anyway,
I'm looking forward to see you soon,
but hope we won't act like strangers.

I miss you so much,
please don't misunderstand me okay ?!
Never never give up !!!

by_bittercoffee ^^

Feeling cold...

2009-10-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

I don't know why ?
Why I'm so down ?

Haizz......
So moody !!!
I found that I'm so lonely.
Very lonely...
I feel so cold,
no warm available for me,
there is no hug that could melt my heart.
Moody again.

Haiz....Zz...
Really ridicule.
I'm so stupid,
Always expect the things that wouldn't happen.
Ya,
I know you won't.

==''
This sign means I am breaking heart or speechless.

I miss you so much.

by_bittercoffee ^^

Thanks, my dear

2009-10-26T03:30:00.000-07:00

Sunday,
thank you for JH fetching me back to my hostel.

We have a really great day shopping at Sunway,
pick and choose a dress for JH to wear for her birthday party.
It had been a long time we never shopping like that,
really chuffed !!!
Though I didn't buy the things that I intend to buy.

Paparich, Honeymoon...
Although the food cannot fulfill my appetite,
but many nice shot we snapped,
wakakaa.
Mirthful.Enjoy.

While on the way back to my hostel,
Ngo said she was feeling bad everytime fetch me back to my hostel.
Then my dear YS also echoed what she'd said.
I just realized that you love me so much !!!
Hey,
this is the keystone of this post.

Really touch when you guys ''bu she de'' me,
because no one said this to me before.
As I walked toward HELP Residence,
my heart was afflicted,
I miss you so much.
But nevermind,
I will go back this week to celebrate birthday with my dear JH.

One more time I emphasise here:
I love all of you so much !!!

p/s:
YS, dont think like that, everything just fine, take it easy. Worried about you in fact.

Ngo, don't always say break !!! It's hard to be together with your love one. So, appreciate it.

JH, when you want to tell me who you love? Lol, nothing I worried about you.

Joy, HUH !!! Hate you, even JH's birthday you also don't come back !!! Really busy as bee huh?

Lyanz, my dear...I miss you so so so much !!! When you come back? And huh, never reply message.

Oni, Lol, just hope you and your boy boy can sweet sweet forever, wakakaa.

SC, this one, also HUH !!! You are not free everytime I ask you to yumcha, don't know what you busy for ?!

by_bittercoffee

my dear friend

2009-10-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

My dear friend,
I miss you so much...

I was so happy that we could chat like an old friend.
It has been a long long long time we didn't meet or even hear each other,
so the chat that day really a great step forward.

You are my dear friend since we know each other.
Do you still remember the time when we were still in kindergarten?
You are my crony that time.
Then we went into primary school,
different class made us far apart.
Next is the time in secondary school.
The gap between us futher apart.
I'm very regret that we had become strangers to each other.

Five years ago,
you choosed to began your own new life that very different from all of us.
Within this 5 years,
you went through so many events that may heartbreak and upset.
A young and frail girl step into the cruel reality world,
I wondered you can cope with all these harships.
You are much tougher than I thought,
really a tough girl.
Just keep it.

Actually I was worrying about you these few years,
I might think of you sometimes.
I wonder how you deal with your life?
Are you okay?
May I help you?

But I know you've become stronger from the difficulties.

Be happy girl,
you should get it.
Be tough girl,
and I know you are tough.

by_bittercoffee ^^

hrmm...

2009-10-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

I miss you...

Someone still in my heart right now,
so anyone come to me also in vain...
Because there is no more space for someone else.
My heart contains 4 chambers,
but it can only occupy 1 person inside....
You know who are you.

Why I cannot wrote about you?!
I just want to write about you,
lol...
Blek,
you can't prohibit me what ?!

Bla.....bla, bla

Maybe I will love you for a long time....
LONG LONG time...............................
I've already been a long time don't love someone,
thank you for making me fall in love again,
is a sweet thing !!!
Appreciate it.

by_bittercoffee ^^

ICU

2009-10-16T02:05:00.000-07:00

Lol,
finally I can see you once again,
although is only via webcam.....

Satisfy !!!

Yo hooo,
you might not know how happy I am.

Large amount of adrenaline and noradrenaline hormone released into the blood stream.

When it travel to the smooth muscles and cardiac muscles,

protein receptors which are complementary to it take them into the cell,

smooth muscles of artery and cardiac muscles of the heart constrict.

Hence blood pressure increases result in the heart rate increases too.

I can't concentrate when doing anything,

just thinking of you every moment.

Miss you so much,
do you feel it ?!

Hope to see you soon.

Hope to get you in the airport but it's weird to do so since I'm just a friend.

by_bittercoffee ^^

1010

2009-10-12T04:14:00.000-07:00

It's your birthday,
I remember.....
Wish your a happy birthday 3 hours before 12am here.

You seems have an enjoyable birthday with your friends,
I'm glad to know that,
but there is emptiness inside my heart.

Emptiness=loneliness

I'm trying not to find you recently,
but it's hard to reach......
You seems like have already get back to the life before my existence,
360 degrees changed.
But why it's hard for me to go back ?!

You would never know how much I miss you.

I'm still waiting...
I'm still waiting...
I'm still waiting...
I'm still waiting...
I'm still waiitng...

Hoping to receive your call.....
ToT

by_bittercoffee ^^

A dream

2009-10-08T06:13:00.000-07:00

I dreamed a sweet dream yesterday,
it is a sweet dream for me....
Lol....

I woke up in the midnight ( maybe too happy with it ),
and keep asking myself whether it is real or not ?!
Maybe I was tidak sedar diri that time,
my mind keep telling me:
that's true, that's true !!!
Then I was very happy and sleep again.
Surprisingly,
the dream continued it's story.....

All the things happened out of expectation.

Then in the morning,
I've tried hard to remember the story and the sweet moment I have.
But in the afternoon,
only half remain in my mind.....
Luckily it is the vital part of the dream.

I really hope that the day would come to me !!!

I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...
I'm waiting for you...

by_bittercoffee ^^

Mooncake Festival

2009-10-04T06:05:00.000-07:00

My mooncake festival was kinda meaningless this year.

Just yumcha with friends at My Tasty Kopitiam,
nothing special to do ?!
All of the friends have their own programmes,
but left JH, Ngor and I....
Only few ''pieces'' of mooncake I'd eaten this year.
My mom didn't buy mooncake at all because all of my family members don't like it.
It's too sweet for me....

I didn't have much feeling to Mooncake Festival this year,
only few tanglungs I saw,
yet I didn't see any mooncake promotions in the shopping centres ( maybe I didn't go to shopping centre lately) ?!

Today my friend brought some mooncakes here and invited us to level 1 eat together.
Lol,
actually I enjoyed the moment when we're chit-chating here and there,
our friendships once again being strengthen !!!
Happy + satisfied...

p/s: Hope you have a happy Mooncake Festival, miss you ~

by_bittercoffee ^^

HPV

2009-10-04T05:46:00.000-07:00

Do you know what is HPV?
Lol,
it is a vaccination series of cervix cancer....

Well,
our government provided free vaccination for all the 13 years old girls in Malaysia,
but the other girls or women wouldn't get the free vaccination.
So my parents brought us to inject HPV this morning --
both of the elder sisters and I.

Woosh,
no pain could be feel at that moment,
the pain is come after you know ?!
Luckily my left arm being injected,
or I couldn't write otherwise.
Is not utterly pain,
just can't apply large force or energy.
I faced some difficulties when take bath or any action in daily life !!!
I couldn't arise my hand.....
==''

There are 3 injections I need to do,
it's important to complete your vaccination series within the scheduled time to help ensure full protection.
Today was the first time I was injected,
I need to inject 1 more time after 1 month and the last one after 6 months.

For your information,
cervix cancer as the second killer of women disease in Malaysia.
This vaccination can decrease up to 90% of the chances to get this horrible disease ( if I don't get wrong )!!!

Appreciate your life...

by_bittercoffee ^^

孤单心事

2009-10-01T08:34:00.000-07:00

没有你的旅程，多了一份孤单。
没有你的旅程，少了一份甜蜜。

从来不知道你的心。
在你心里，我有没有一点特别？只要一点，我只要一点就心满意足了。

其实啊，很开心你睡不着时会找我聊天。虽然半夜三更了，我想睡了，可是我还是会忍着不让自己睡着，好让我可以陪着你。
你知道吗？
陪伴着你睡不着的夜晚，是一种幸福。

[ 我猜不到你真正的感觉，思念写成脸上的黑眼圈。
有的时候我宁愿你对我坏一点。
无法停止幻想我们的永远。
爱你是孤单的心事，不懂你微笑的意思。
只能像一朵向日葵在夜里默默地坚持。
爱你是孤单的心事，多希望你对我诚实。
一直爱着你，用我自己的方式。]
--孤单心事

by_bittercoffee

Moody.......

2009-09-24T02:54:00.000-07:00

Haiz....
I don't know why ?!
Moody again though I always laugh,
looks very happy but empty in my heart.

When will this over?

I miss you everyday even every minute.
But the distance between us farer than the exact distance,
less topic we can talk.
I will respect you,
what you decided.....
I won't force you.

I always worry about you,
but seldom I show it,
because I know you've already changed.
I don't want to disturb your life,
the life before my existence.

I'm wondering why you always ask me to give up ?!
I won't give up !!!
If you come back to me,
everything are worth.....

by_bittercoffee ^^

Felt lost...

2009-09-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

Yea,
felt lost recently......
Don't worry,
I think I will be okay soon.

This feeling came to me once,
and I cried that time,
felt loneliness.....
No one beside me --
the world is grey in colour.
=.=''

After crying,
I accept the reality gradually and start to do something in order not to think too much.
But the feeling of fear still stayed in my heart for a long time.
I never think that I will have this kind of feeling ?!
Because I'm very determined that I will work hard on it and no hardships can stop me !!!

But what the hell DNA and RNA make me so confusing ?!
I know I can do it,
just lack of confidence.
I knew this !!
Since I got the BIO test result last time --
I got a very bad result that I couldn't forgive myself !!!

I understand what happen to DNA and RNA,
but they spend me a long time...
Why ??
I will restore soon.

Maybe I am just demand too severe to myself ?!

p/s: Don't worry too much, everything will be solved. I'm sorry to hurt you and make you worried.

by_bittercoffee ^^

1+0=1

2009-09-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

Yea,
I changed to single again....

I'd lost hope.
Since 09.09pm yesterday.
I cried eventually though I told you that I can't cry out.
I'm so sorry.

I think we become friend will be better for you,
because you can't accept it,
I know,
time is only an excuse.....
I won't force you,
just let it go and regard this as a wonderful dream.
So,
you may changed to single instead of complicated.

Not your fault,
is my fault......

DEPRESSED.........

by_bittercoffee ^^

Tsunami

2009-09-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

Beforehand,
I expected Tsunami was not nice once I saw the trailer,
I thought it's kinda boring or not excited because it's made in Korea.
But my view had changed totally after the watched --
Tsunami is damned nice,
cool man !!!!!

Funny + touching.

The funny parts....
Walao,
all of us were laughing badly !!!
Even till my stomachache and out of control....
Lol, really funny.
What is the laughter story?
Just find it out ourself.

And as the touching parts.....
I was deeply impressed.
The scenes made me cried you know ?!
And yet my friends all laughing at me !!!
Hate la you guys,
cold-blooded ?!

I was deeply moved by the story --
many I thought that time.
Please do anything that you want to do ASAP,
because you don't know what would happen just in the next moment !
I can feel the feeling when the moment come,
is really sad.......

A guy (quite handsome) who is a rescuer love a girl,
and the girl love him too.
But there is another guy who tried to break their relationship.
The handsome guy save that bad guy eventually
and sacrificed his life !!!
I was crying badly that time,
Cannot together with the girl he loved would be the greatest regret in his whole life.

As usual,
I still screaming all the way,
Joy even want to cover my mouth !!!
Wakakaaaa......

p/s: I also don't want to regret then.......
I love you, my dear !!!

by_bittercoffee ^^

1+1=2

2009-09-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

Sure you don't know what is mean by 1+1=2
Lol,
very easy --
indicates that I'm no more single,
yet no more available.
Someone always in my heart though he is not beside me right now.
Sweet.

So,
1+1=2...........

Why we'll stick together?
Actually I don't know also,
but it just like very biasa if we are together ?!
Hohohohoho,
thanks to our mei po --
Ngor.....
Lol.

Many of you may think that we are lightening ?!
Yea,
I also think like that....
Wakakaaa,
I admit that I used to like that before;
but this time is unlike the previous one,
I'm determined........
SERIOUSLY !!!
You too right ?!

Waiting for you to come back,
and create the memories that only belong to both of us.

My life is perfect with YOU....
My sweet darling.

Miss you all the moment ~

by_bittercoffee ^^

Tasty Pot

2009-09-12T01:32:00.000-07:00

Went to Tasty Pot together with my HELP gang yesterday.
I have done some researches on it before we go there.
Their website mentioned that the operation time is 12.00pm - 1.00am,
but the actual time is 4.30pm - 1.00am.

Luckily we reach there just after 4.30pm.
Lol,
I think we are the first customers.

Comment:
There many seafood: 2 or 3 types of crabs, lala, scallops, oyster, clam and many many more that I don't know their name !!! But the seafood there is totally not fresh, except the prawn. My friends said it's fresh though but they don't clean the ''black colour intestine that on their back''.

The soup we ordered: HK Satin Porridge and Soya Bean. Both of it is pretty nice. Order the soya bean only if you are dare to because some people thought it was disgusting !!! But for me, it is nice.....And the satin porridge taste very 'sweet, splendid.

There are BBQ honey chicken wing tasted very nice too. However, there are not much varieties of barbeque food, merely the chicken wing can be recommended. Yet, ice-cream also provided, but don't expect they are the very-branded ice-cream. Rojak, salad and fruits also provided.

p/s: If their seafood is fresh enough, I'd go for next time. But since they are not, so I would never go again.

by_bittercoffee ^^

Din Tai Fong

2009-09-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

Went to Din Tai Fong few days ago.....
Walao, really nice !!!!
Even nicer than Dragon-I.

First thing to mention:
the Siew Long Pao really very X 10 NICE....
The dumpling inside is different from the siew long pao of Dragon-I.
Dumpling of Dragon-I is like satu ketul;
but Din Tai Fong's is not,
it's texture is splendid to enjoy.

Then I ate the Braised Beef Noodle Soup.
The noodle are hand-made,
very smooth and ''elastic'' ?? ( weird describe)
Erm.....
There are about 3 pieces of beef in it,
the soup was totally dark red in colour,
smell good.
But it taste a liltle bit salty --
the only imperfection.

While my friend recommended the Fried Rice With Eggs and Fr (pork chop, I don't know what is Fr, found it in their website).
The pork has a very nice texture,
absolutely...definitely...truly !!!
Lol,
you may not recognize it as pork though,
because it's texture is not alike with pork.
Just like fishball....
doi, Doi...Doi...doi !!!!!

p/s: must try the others when I'm rich....

by_bittercoffee ^^

Guilty

2009-09-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

Woosh,
>.<''''''

I really felt guilty with IT !!!!!!

But,
please believe me:
I'd tell you because I really care about you.
And that's why I tell you the truth,
I don't want to cheat you.

But,
I was regret after I told you......
You seems very disappointed and shocked.
I'm so sorry,
I shouldn't do that,
yet I supposed not to go !!!!!!

My image may totally alter then ?!
I don't want to be a bad girl !!!!!!

p/s: I'll change it....and nothing would happen today.

Believe me !!!

by_bittercoffee ^^

You steal my Heart?

2009-09-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

Just to record my feeling today.....

Someone still in my heart right now....
Lol,
sweet SWEET feeling !!!

Can't get used of it if we don't chat for even 1 day,
I think.
Though we knew each other only a short time.

Really bo song you today.
Why you went that kind of place?
But I was delighted again after you promised me something even we are just friend now......
Thanks, my dear !!!

p/s: Good night, miss you.....

by_bittercoffee ^^

Happy Birthday my dear....

2009-09-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

Lol...
Happy birthday to my dear !!!
I'm so regret that I missed the scene that you drop your tear.....
Anyway,
hope you'll have a memorable birthday,
and so to the 'book' that we did for you !!!

We went to JJ again,
Green Box to sing K.
Then 1.30pm we went to watch movie --
Final Destination 4....
I'd waited this movie to be on screen so long the time !!!
I'm looking forward it,
but it seems quite disappointed me...>.<''

Hshhh.....be quiet,
tell you guys a secret:
I screamed when watching the movie,
only Hui Ngor and I screamed for that scene,
and actuay nothing scary event happen in that scene gek,
so hor............
All the audience laughing at us !!!!!
They laughing really loud you know ?!
Haiyo,
then hor.........
In the end,
when all of the audience wanna go out,
they looked at the row that we sit........
I think they are searching for me ?!
Really xia sui.....
I'm the one scream the LOUDEST !!!!

After that,
we went to Dragon-I.
The Siao Long Pao there really nice,
but the other food merely ma ma dei nia.......

We went for shopping then.
Back home around 6 - 7pm ?!
Not realy remember the time,
lol.
Went to eat again in Jenjarom --
steamboat.
Erm....
It'd became more and more distasteful,
seriously !!!!

Fetch our leading role to back home.
That's all the celebration for our
dearest and pretties Miss Hui Ngor !!!

p/s: I love you, baby.

Wakakakaka...~~~

by_bittercoffee ^^

Shogun

2009-09-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

Went to Shogun last few weeks....
Erm,

the comments from me:

merely so-so........

You should test the others if you can.

Forgot how much is the price ?!

But is utterly not worth the price !!!

The distasteful dishes more than the palatable one,

so if you are wise,

you won't choose it as the first choice.

First,

I tried sushi....

Errr,

I think sushi is the best at there.

Unagi and chuka iidako are delicious...

I love chuka iidako henceforward,

really tasteful.....

Then,

we tried a dish which fried with various vegies and meats that you take.

I choosed a green vegies, mushroom and mutton, lamb.

They were fried with some sauce which taste quite special and nice,

but the mutton was fried for too long the time.

And this made one of the defect of the dish.

I'm suprised actually......

with the present of 'dim sum'.

Their siew mai is okay nia,

not consider as delicious though.

A dish with duck seems very special,

but it tasted quite weird....

I don't like it !

Yet,

I tasted the seafood there.....

Totally not fresh !!!!!!

Have you ever eat 'lala' that it's fresh is DRY ???!!!

And also to the crab ???

Haiz...

Really disappointed.

As for the 'sea snail' (I don't know what to called?),

maybe I'm not get used with the style they cook....

I don't like that taste with garlic and cheese mixed together,

felt like want to vomit !!!

Oyster:

I never eat oyster before.

So I can't tell you whether it is fresh enough ?!

But it is a fresh thing for me to test it....

It's happy to experience the new things......

Next target: Jogoya.
Anyone volunteer to treat me the great meal ?!

by_bittercoffee ^^

haiz...

2009-08-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

Oh God !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My first day at Kampar kena saman !!!

Story:
After yumcha with ChunFei,
LiYen and I wanted to loiter around Westlake by motor since I come Kampar only the second time.
We just loitering less than 5 minutes,
then we were stop by two shyt b( )ast polic( )m( )n.
p/s: ( ) --> e

Both of us didn't wear helmet.
Yet,
LiYen was riding that time,
and she has no driving license.

The beasts threaten us that LiYen riding without driving license would be fined RM300 and would be gone to court;
the owner of the motor would be fined another RM300 for giving permission to the person who don't have driving license to ride;
the motor would be sent and detained in the police station until the owner of the motor come to bail it.

I was panic of course,
The shyts agreed to makan duit kopi finally,
but we didn't know how to settle this kind of thing or how to tell ?!
so we just delayed the time.
And luckily there were some guys passing by and came to help us.
Ultimately,
we gave them RM70 !!!!!!!!!
Shyt !!!
More than the amount people usually give !!!!!
Bxstxrd !!!

After this,
some guys teached us how to confront and deal when meet such thing.
Nevermind,
just let it be a lesson to learn.....
Haiz...................ZzzzZ

by_bittercoffee ^^

Edward VS his Smile

2009-08-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

Lol ~
I'd promised someone to write a post especially about him.......

Yea,
he is Edward Tan (if I don't get wrong his surname) --
a 17 years old handsome guy from Kedah,
tall (more than 170cm but less than 180cm) and dark skin,
has a very sweet and warm smile,
looked on the square and dull,
but talkative,
outspoken,
quite a shy person (only in my opinion),
loves football very much: more than basketball,
wanna be a lawyer one day (I don't know whether he'd changed his mind ?!).
And I bet he will get flying colour result in his coming SPM !!!

p/s: Girls, he is a perfect man...who want his handphone number?

p/s: Am I truly understand you? Lol....we only met ONCE !
So, is good enough to have such detail information about you.

I knew this 'perfect' guy in Mantin, Negeri Sembilan --
the xueji 'Quan Guo Ying' camp.
I ever mentioned about him in my older post if you guys attention about this.
Let me clarify beforehand:
please don't make fun of me after you read the article below ya....

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the 'Quan Guo Ying' camp,
he was one of the participant that represent Kedah.
The first glance I saw him,
he was smiling when the activity was in progressed.
His smile was warm enough to lighten up my heart that time,
and he looked very cute and amiable when he's smiling.
Yet,
I could know that he is a sportman by his muscled figure--
sunshine and healthy looked.
He was wearing basketball attires,
so so so handsome !!!
He was so attractive to me because I'd found my ex's reflection on him.
But seriously,
he is special to me not because of my ex.

When he looking at me,
automatically I smiled to him,
and so he responsed to it politely......
Funny thing we did --
we just smiling to each other throughout the camp !!!
When he was running,
he also smile when saw me.
p/s: Your mouth sour or not? xD

SMILE ~ bring us closer.....

I knew that he was in the same group with my junior in the camp.
So after back home (actually I was still in the way back home) I got his handphone number....
Lol,
you know how happy I'm that time ?!

But,
I want to complain something here.....
You didn't reply my messages,
damned sad and disappointed !!!
The day I almost give up and then you texted me suddenly.
I was surprised and of course excited for the whole day !!!
Hence,
our realtionship established.

Until now,
what is our relationship?
I think we may consider as BEST friend ??!!
At least we share our secret and talk about the problems we faced.......
But,
ask me this question after years.....
Lol,
Edward, you know the reason I says this.
xD

Smile~

by_bittercoffee ^^

pLay GirL?

2009-08-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

I read a book recently....
About a guy has two girlfriends,
and how he deals with it.
I like this book very much !!!
The word or sentence he says in the novel is splendid.
After sometimes I will post the sentence up here.
So,
just look forward it ya !

The point I want to say here......
is.........
After being hurt,
I've became an another person,
that you guys may not know....
Quite hard to understand right?!

I've changed my view toward LOVE,
or even I can't define the word 'LOVE' for now.
It become blurr.......
I don't know what is LOVE ???
And I don't want to LOVE anymore,
unless I meet the one that I really really want to LOVE.....
but is hard !!!

The one I loved don't love me,
and who I don't love loved me.

Actually I'm not can't put down you,
just my heart feels lonely,
and so I'll think of you.....
Just all.

Try to find another way to reassure my loneliness.
YOU may know what I mean here.

by_bittercoffee ^^

untitled

2009-08-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

Watching episode just now,
it let me think of someone and something that really touched my heart.

I think of HIM......
And this made me sorrow again.

This morning,
he'd sms me....
Only 3 words in the message:
谢谢你...

I don't know why he thanks me?
Really wondering.
He never contact me since that day,
long long long time ago.......
And today,
he suddenly texted me,
of course I was surprised !!!!
I'm happy?
Or other feeling inside my heart?
I even don't know ?!
Weird feeling......
But I thought that he'd sent to the wrong person ?
I rather believes this is the truth !!!

I don't know why?
I thought I'd already put down the burden since his birthday?!
What had happened to me?
No one can really answer me or help me.
Why he acts like a wandering ghost,
always appear in my mind ?!

I want my life to stay away from him FOREVER !!!
But his words still engraved in my heart,
and it hurts me truly deeply.

Recently,
that frightening feeling come to me again.
It makes me don't know how to react with it.
So.......
I choose to escape from it.

Just to keep the situation now,
don't try to change it please.....
Okay?
And,
don't ask me any question.
Please don't !!!!!

Everytimes the feeling come up to me,
then I will restore to alone again........
Because my heart can't occupy any other person inside.

Our sweet and sad memories rewind in my brain.
I saw all the picture we had together;
every words you said;
every action you did.
I just realized that:
I really miss you.....

I know you would never see this blog and know my feeling.
Just let me note down the memories about you and me.
You may not know,
I introduced you to all my friends --
I showed them our sweet pictures that you'd lost them when your house being break-into.
I keep them in a good condition,
I don't want nothing left in our memories.
Yet,
your big brown eyes is the one that I always mention to people.
I remember your look,
the handsome one when we took that picture.....

p/s: Your happiness is my happiness.....So, please be happy !!!

by_bittercoffee ^^

Pantai Kelanang

2009-08-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yohoooo.....

We went to Pantai Kelanang when LM at my house.

Actually that was also my first time visit to Pantai Kelanang though it very near to my house.

Pantai Kelanang is quite a new beach for me,

and it located only next to Pantai Morib.

Listened to my friends,

Pantai Kelanang is well-known for its white colour sand instead the grey one.

Though it is "new",

but the cleanliness is same as Pantai Morib --
dirty + brown colour sea water.

Yet,

not much developement there,

no beautiful pondok or even a bench,

the trees are still small.

So it gave me the sense of HOT.

I only able to find a stall sells candy and junk food.

Hence,

no much people when we at there,

we even can count the number of people.

Of course,

we'd took many photos.....

1, ,2, 3......Jump !!!

Walao, what I'm doing?

We hang our shoes on the tree.

Just for fun...lol

At night,a bit sot.....

Lol,

we went to Tanjung Sepat,
but just for ikan bakar --

Ah Fu Xiao Yu.

Great day we'd passed.

by_bittercoffee ^^

LowMaJi Steamboat

2009-08-09T00:17:00.000-07:00

Went to Puchong on Friday....
Just to eat at the Low Ma Ji what what Szechuan spicy steamboat.

Before-hand,

something funny happened that I would like to share with you guys:

LM and I went to Subang.

I wait for Kim while LM wait for Wooi Keong.

I told Kim that I'd arrived at 6.00pm.

Lol....

We reached KL Central jor,

then need to go to Subang Jaya by KTM.

You know,

we'd catched the WRONG train which go to the opposite direction !!!!

Damned yu...

The first time to get in wrong train....

Xia sui, lose face.

Haizzzz..........z.zzzzz.........

So reached Subang late.

Okey,

right back to the steamboat.

It is a buffet steamboat,

RM21.00 per person exclusive the drinks.

We ordered two soups --

broth and spicy (intermediate).
I don't really like its broth --

it's herbal soup with some pepper flavour.

I like the most:

coagulated pig's blood (QQ) and especially instant boiled mutton (fresh);

I hate the most:

pig's intestine (smelly) and various kind of fish balls (lame).

My lovely blood-red coagulated pig's blood.

Mutton.....I didn't eat beef that night.

There are many veggies, meat and seafood for you to choose.

I pick a whole plate of veggies:

mushroom, lotus, corn, cabbage......etc.

There are also roasted prawn, hot dog and small squid.

Damned nice their roasted food with spicy sauce.

Oopsss,

and one more important thing is their sauces --

you can mix whatever ingredients that you like.

Eg:

mashed garlic, fried onion, sesama, mashed peanut, spring onion, parsley and +++++ so on.

I think this is their extraordinary thing that other shops won't do it.

The scent of the sauce remain in your mouth well if you chewed slowly.

Your tongue may become FEELINGLESS if you keep eating the spicy one !!!

Though I admit that I'm quite a spicy-lover tak boleh tahan.

But,

it's very exciting to enjoy it slowly and chit-chat.

MUTTON !!!!! I love you so much....

p/s: It's impressing and recommendable to you guys, but still not enough to let me say that:" It's perfectly tasteful."

by_bittercoffee ^^

I'm back, Jenjarom

2009-08-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Lol,
yea...I'm back !!!
Feels so good...

Haaa...
Tomorrow go to JH's house for party luu ~
I'm so tired today,
don't know why...

Eat 'ma la'
spicy spicy +++++ spicy steamboat just now.
Woossh,
7 gek !!!
And hor,
really really, seriously....is......
Erm,
tell you all in the next post and will post some photo here.

p/s: emm wa bei lei zhi deng lei xem xi xi...LOL

Good night.

by_bittercoffee ^^