It's back.

Sometimes you think it is coming near to you, but in fact it is not. And this is exactly what I am feeling right now. All of this just doesn't seem correct! I really hate to say that the feeling has come back! You know what the feeling I am talking about, and you know that this is the circumstance I scared the most. But it did really get back to me, how sad it is. I am totally out of my wits, feeling like want to get away from everything, stop to hear anything, or just let my mind be blank.

At the very start, I have been asking myself if this is the right choice. My heart answer me, since you have already decided, that's it...not much you have to think over. The thought induced me to put aside all the doubts and worries for a while. Then when I looked at your unsophisticated eyes, all the thoughts that feared me were gone. So, I didn't think about the worries anymore. However, it does come back to me over and over again. But then I tried hard to persuade myself that nothing to be worried about. This sounds like I am escaping something right ? Yea, I do. Something, something that I have no dare to confront.

I have no idea what I should do now, neither I could halt nor continue.

Rose is so beautiful and yet it is thorny.
I looked at the vermeil rose and yet I was feeling sad.

There's a secret deep in my heart. Big one.

by_bittercoffee

I miss you

Although you just away for few days, merely 3days, but I am so upset these few days. Just because you're out of my vision.
Am I too dependent on you ? Maybe I just miss you toooo much. I miss you lovely voice, your lovable songs...LOL.

I hope I have Doraemon by my side, therefore I can borrow his "Anywhere Door". Once I open the magic door, you'll appear in front of me and hug me tightly.
I didn't meet you for 2 days, this cause me to feel that you are thousand million miles apart from me. However, I deem that if you're at your home and I'm at my hostel, this lonely and suffering feeling wouldn't exist even though we have not meet for few days.
Every single hour just like one day -- suffering. I want to shout out my feeling to you loudly !!!
Pity me.........no body accompany me this weekend !!! Sad case.

I do miss you very much...
Stupid SSS...I hate you.

by_bittercoffee

The impact

Sigh, I thought the impact he left behind was negligible. Or I should say, the effect had vanished long time ago because he did influenced me time after time before this. And I deemed the aftermath had cleared away when my heart broke into million pieces, but it seems ain't like that.

The feeling of scare and insecure are with me all the time, whenever and wherever I am. They follow me and retain within me. I know their existence, but I just ignored them and think that everything will be fine then. However, I still can't cope with it though I'm working hard for it. Oh ya, please don't think that I am still loving that damn guy, am just talking about the terribly impact he gave me. What is the impact then ? Well, he made me afraid of being fall in love -- insecure more exactly, or doesn't believe in it anymore.

When it comes, I think I can manage it well. Yea, it is apparently, but isn't went on smoothly deep in my heart. Perhaps, time is the thing I need after all. And, maybe patient ?! It's just too hard to cope with the contradiction, rushes on everything indicate terminates it ahead of time.

by_bittercoffee