Shall I ?

I miss you so much, do you know that all this while ?
I hope the one you said was me, the only one, no one else and won't be other one.
Nothing could replace you in bottom of my heart.
You has been wobbling my thought for many times, but you never realize it. And I sure it will goes on for the rest of my life.
No one could ever dacker me, except you !
My thoughts are swaying all the time because of you, and I felt guilty.
My feeling upon you has become stronger and stronger as far as no one could judges about it.
Sometimes, I think that that is kinda stupid to miss a person that might not love me. Moreover, he doesn't know about it.
I miss you every second, every moment, and whatever I am doing.
Do you ?
You are unreadable and elusory.
Shall I be the one, the only one in this world, to rely on you, to care you and to love you ?

by_bittercoffee

Special for someone. The one that told me about stars, sunrise and sunset.

It's back.

Sometimes you think it is coming near to you, but in fact it is not. And this is exactly what I am feeling right now. All of this just doesn't seem correct! I really hate to say that the feeling has come back! You know what the feeling I am talking about, and you know that this is the circumstance I scared the most. But it did really get back to me, how sad it is. I am totally out of my wits, feeling like want to get away from everything, stop to hear anything, or just let my mind be blank.

At the very start, I have been asking myself if this is the right choice. My heart answer me, since you have already decided, that's it...not much you have to think over. The thought induced me to put aside all the doubts and worries for a while. Then when I looked at your unsophisticated eyes, all the thoughts that feared me were gone. So, I didn't think about the worries anymore. However, it does come back to me over and over again. But then I tried hard to persuade myself that nothing to be worried about. This sounds like I am escaping something right ? Yea, I do. Something, something that I have no dare to confront.

I have no idea what I should do now, neither I could halt nor continue.

Rose is so beautiful and yet it is thorny.
I looked at the vermeil rose and yet I was feeling sad.

There's a secret deep in my heart. Big one.

by_bittercoffee

I miss you

Although you just away for few days, merely 3days, but I am so upset these few days. Just because you're out of my vision.
Am I too dependent on you ? Maybe I just miss you toooo much. I miss you lovely voice, your lovable songs...LOL.

I hope I have Doraemon by my side, therefore I can borrow his "Anywhere Door". Once I open the magic door, you'll appear in front of me and hug me tightly.
I didn't meet you for 2 days, this cause me to feel that you are thousand million miles apart from me. However, I deem that if you're at your home and I'm at my hostel, this lonely and suffering feeling wouldn't exist even though we have not meet for few days.
Every single hour just like one day -- suffering. I want to shout out my feeling to you loudly !!!
Pity me.........no body accompany me this weekend !!! Sad case.

I do miss you very much...
Stupid SSS...I hate you.

by_bittercoffee

The impact

Sigh, I thought the impact he left behind was negligible. Or I should say, the effect had vanished long time ago because he did influenced me time after time before this. And I deemed the aftermath had cleared away when my heart broke into million pieces, but it seems ain't like that.

The feeling of scare and insecure are with me all the time, whenever and wherever I am. They follow me and retain within me. I know their existence, but I just ignored them and think that everything will be fine then. However, I still can't cope with it though I'm working hard for it. Oh ya, please don't think that I am still loving that damn guy, am just talking about the terribly impact he gave me. What is the impact then ? Well, he made me afraid of being fall in love -- insecure more exactly, or doesn't believe in it anymore.

When it comes, I think I can manage it well. Yea, it is apparently, but isn't went on smoothly deep in my heart. Perhaps, time is the thing I need after all. And, maybe patient ?! It's just too hard to cope with the contradiction, rushes on everything indicate terminates it ahead of time.

by_bittercoffee

0623

LOL, since I start the post with "LOL", you can guess that my mood is quite good. All of this is because of many surprises I got in this year birthday.

Firstly, the message inbox is like usual -- a great many birthday wishes from my friends, including him. I was standing in amazement, I thought he won't wish me even though he remember my birthday because I rake over him when his birthday.
Surprisingly, there are 10 people called me to wish me, and some of them even sang the birthday song to me. Haha, this year was the first year I received calls from friends that wish me happy birthday. And the number of calls are amazedly many ! What I can reply them only thank you and laughter. Hahahaaa.
I didn't expect that I'll receive any pressie from anyone, but I was pleasantly surprised that I did get some pressies from my friends.
One more thing, my aunt that is same birthday with me visit to my house today. Haha, I do miss her, my uncle and my lovely cousin that is from China. So we snapping at FGS DongZen in the afternoon and have a chat with them. Will pay a visit to Genting before my cousin goes back to China.
At night, I had dinner at Tao which located in Kota Damansara with a special person. I thought we'll go back after that, but we went to Puchong to look on the night view. That is the place that I intend to go long time ago, but no chance allow me to witness the beauty of Puchong. Today, I witness the sheenful Puchong. Satisfied.

However, he didn't call me or even text me to wish me a happy birthday.
Maybe I am just too clinging to his wish.
Yea, I'm. I do miss him so much.

by_bittercoffee

愿望

以往的我，总是很期待生日的到来。
因为总是期待着心爱的人给我的惊喜；就算没有也没关系，只要他陪在我身边，那就够了！
现在的我，却对生日没有特别的兴奋。
因为我心爱的人不在我身边，就连一句生日快乐都没有！

今年是第三年单身的生日，可悲啊，没市场咯！
我并没有想要大势的庆祝，也不希望别人费心的挑礼物给我。
不知怎么的，突然对生日没有怎样特别的感觉。
还不是普普通通的一天，平凡地呼吸着大家所呼吸的空气；上天也不会特别眷顾我，让他陪在我身边！不要说陪在我身边，就连见个面门儿都没！

其实，我不喜欢吃蛋糕。至今，只有那天在豆原吃的柠檬蛋糕让我回味无穷；并不是那味道特别好，只是吃出了做蛋糕的人的用心还有主人热情地招呼。
还有把蜡烛吹一吹，生日愿望也不会真的实现。
可是，生日愿望嘛，我还是会许，总要给自己一个希望一个机会嘛！
我的愿望是如斯简单，如斯单纯，可也是最难实现的。

苦咖啡，生日快乐。

我还真希望你出现，带我去茅草山呢，Haiz...

by_bittercoffee

Y

幸福与不灭

现在的我，只想好好地隐藏心中的那把火。

它会在我心里，不灭；
但，我只想把它藏起来。
就算被别人发现了，一笑而过将会是我回答的方式；
我爱他，并没有什么好讨论的。

也因为，我没勇气！
我，不过是个没勇气的家伙。

从前的我，接受一个人都不经过大脑思考。
被伤害了，轮到我伤害别人；是因为害怕了，所以就得像刺猬一样保护自己。
后来的后来这几年，身边出现了很多人，可是我发觉原来要找一个真正适合和相爱的人真的很难，因为你一生中或许就只有那么一个！

我最讨厌那些把那分手当口头禅的情侣，多么幼稚；
反之，我很羡慕那些恩爱的小两口，因为他们知道何为珍惜。

我现在心里唯一的想法就是：他幸福就好！
我不是在伴伟大，只是这是我单身的这些年来所领悟的一些事。

相爱没那么容易啊！
因为这是两个人的事，一个人是永远办不到的。

我的心，慢慢的，慢慢的，沉淀了。

by_bittercoffee

R