I cried...=.=

Today...
after come back from pasar,
I want to change the course applied in JPA from pharmacy to medical.
This was the second time I changed it.
The first time,
I select medical...then,
that day after having dinner together with aunt and uncle,
they told me many things about the future.
I think of my dad and mum...
They want me to select pharmacy,
because they don't want me to be toilsome and stress
as study medical sustain great pressure...
At that moment,
I have the compulsion want to be an obedient daughter
as I don't want them to worry about me...
So,
I go to aunt's office to change the course to pharmacy

Then,
after few days,
I think about medical course all the time
and it appeared within my brain incessantly !
Finally, I had made decision...
I want to choose back to MEDICAL !!!

19th march 2009
I come back to Jenjarom again...
because I had already resigned...

21th march 2009
I online and want to change the course to medical again...
For my information,
I thought the deadline was 2 weeks after the SPM result come out.
so,
I surf the JPA website,
but,
I can't find the form that I filled before.
I WANT TO UPDATE MY APPLICATION !!!
Thereupon,
I found that the deadline is
20th of march 2009

Oh, my God !!!
pharmacy was not my first choice !!!
At that time,
I was in flurry as I don't know what I can do !
I was ambitious to be a doctor !!!
Everything is gameover I think...
The first time I cry in front of my mum,
I think my mum was in shock when I'm in tears...

Immediately,
I send email, call to the department...
any viable methods I used in order can update my application.
I begged the receptionist changed it for me,
but she said she was helpless
as everything was going on systems and rules.

Nobody can help me...I know
I didn't blamed on anyone.
I just blamed on myself...
because I resigned was due to apply scholarships and all these,
why don't I settle it just reached home that night?
That night,
I still watch episode till deep in the night
and also the following days...

I cried...
till my eyes become reddish,
and even whimper !
I was at my wit's end...
PHARMACY...
What can I do in the future?
Did I love this job afterward?
Would I enjoy to be a pharmacist?
I wonder if ?!

My ambition...DOCTOR
it may can't be achieved,
just because I missed the available time...
I regreted for my idleness !!!

I could feel that my days was GREY...

by_bittercoffee ^^