currently

We cannot make decisions too fast because there maybe an unexpected turning point lying ahead. Many examples around me prove that this is a virtual fact. One may says:" I certainly won't do this ", but he or she did it at last. This shows how unbelievable that person is; it related to one's character. So, instead of making decision in a short time, I will say:" we do not know what will happen in the end, so just wait and see". It is hatred to speak out my opinion in this way as it sounds quite irresponsible in some ways. Whenever I convey the message something like that, it must be a speechless situation or I have no any idea about it.

In my mind, it is actually something impossible to achieve, but I just don't want to conclude that it must not happen on me as transition of the process or decision may takes place. However, this kind of words cause many troubles to me as well as others, I deem. Because of the remarks, perhaps, people start to pursue it whereas I do not want it to happen. Causing a grief circumstance arise ultimately. How sad it is. Then, I could only speechless for it.

Sometimes, things simply happen naturally, do not change it purposely. I'm unsecured once again. I hope I can love someone whom I can really rely on, and the person love me too. However, there's no one. The reason why I aspire after love is due to I am sicked of the life at present time. I yearn after the caressing of my loved one, and give me a hug when I am moody.

The one I loved that don't like me.

by_bittercoffee

The eyes

Look at your picture, I realized that, maybe you love me very much. I could know that because you wore the birthday present, the shirt, that I presented you last two years. You are still the same...still the handsome one. The brown eyes are brimming with vigour always attract my eyesight.
Your eyes is the prettiest I have ever seen. When looking into your eyes, I could see the clear reflection. You always give me such a special feeling. However, I can't regard you as a normal friend, but not also a lover.

I want you to care about me, I want you to do everything for me, I want you to show me your love, I want all I wanted you to do so.

Can I merely say: " I love your eyes. "
Or,
can I barely say: " I love the orange-yellow shirt. "
Can I ?

1.32 am
by_bittercoffee

初恋的味道

初恋是最单纯的爱，没有目的，没有邪念，就是单纯的爱一个人。

我的初恋。五年了。

多年的今天，我竟然会回顾当时的回忆。我想倒带吗？不！我后悔了吗？不！初恋是每个人必经的成长过程，但愿你的初恋是个美好的回忆！当你回首时，你会会心地一笑，想说：啊......那就是最初最初的感觉。可是，我已忘了初恋的味道。我不知道那该算是甜蜜还是天真，那......到底算不算是爱？反思了好久，顶多只能算是纯粹的好感。然后在一起的日子久了，慢慢地习惯了对方的存在，让我错觉地以为：那就是爱。

看了初恋红豆冰（和海角七号的观后感一样），我的心泛起了阵阵的涟漪......
久久不能平息的心情，是感慨男孩和女孩最后都错过了彼此。相爱的两人，最后只能擦肩而过，成为陌路人。
Botak对打架鱼的默默付出，真是感触到我内心......希望自己喜欢的人，也会为自己那样做！如果真是那样，我一定毫不犹豫地嫁给他！（T & C：我爱的人）

感触良多。

爱的感觉，总是靠近我又远离我。你是无法体会那感觉的啦！我宁愿我不要爱过，那就不会有心痛的感觉了。深深受过伤的心，一次又一次，狠狠的，没有留下一句话，离开了。我竟然害怕爱的感觉！

Quoted from Yong Yi:
圆月有缺的时候，相对的圆缘也有不完美的时候。

10.03pm 19.04.2010
by_bittercoffee

New perception

From that time on, I don't believe in LOVE anymore. I start to contemplate what is love means and what is my intention wanna be loved ? I deem love happen naturally, the fire just break out unconsciously. You have no way to turn back, the only way is to continue your love. Some may get the blissed relationship, but some others may not.

There are many good guys in this world, but seem like will never happen to me. This result in myself not to trust that damned thing anymore ! I am fear to come across that lovely but frightful thing because it make me feel insecure once again. I really really hate that feeling. You may think that I'm pessimist, but that's the only feeling I have.

People always make a rod for one's own back, just like me....fear for it, but ask for it still. Sigh. The feeling of loving a person that impossible have the outcome is the worst one. It's suffered yet intoxicated.
Love someone doesn't mean must having he or she, as long as the one you loved is happy. But the problem is you are leading a stressful life, yet I am incapable to lighten up your day.

I'm trying hard to understand more about you, but you close the only passage.

by_bittercoffee