Tears...

Tears,
first drop,
second drop,
dropped on my shirt.

The small volcano within me comes to the end of its endurance and erupted eventually...

I tried to suppress it from streaming, but all of my efforts are in vain. I am upset everytime I come back to here, but I never weep for it, the tears had been swallowing back to my body and forgotten. This is the first time I cry in my hostel.

I am thinking about him, I want to text him a message...ask him to console my incomplete heart and say that we are only able to be friends, couldn't more than that. I haven't even able to type a word, he called me just in time. When I heard his voice, I cried even more badly. He very gan jiong, keep asking me what had happened. Then he started to scold me:" Play play play, no need to study la, how you going to be independent in your future ?" I could feel his caring though he was scolding me, I miss the past, but the feeling just couldn't allow me to go back...

I am so selfish, I had hurted him....I know he is back to me earnestly this time, but I only need his caring, nothing else.

I need caring ~
But ignored his love ~

by_bittercoffee ^^

Guilty

Firstly, I have deep thoughts and feelings today. Scenario of Taiwan episode are on view animatedly.

W drive swiftly to airport in order to send-off her lover. We, 4 of us are very gan jiong for her, because the time is silently approached. Yet, we took the wrong road, this made us even more gan jiong because we are severely had inadequate of time. W was extremely nervous and keep asking which is the correct route. She said she doesn't want to go when we are still on the way heading to airport, but we know she meant another. Who does not want to see his or her lover when he or she is going to somewhere far and meet only once or twice a year ?!

W is very tense until her eyes run with tears. Hopefully, W meet with his lover eventually before he enters the entrance gate. Fortunately, this didn't leave a remorse memory behind. In fact, this inspire me a lot.

I'm so compunction the whole day today. Felt so sorry...gosh !!! My heart is unstable, and I am utterly out of the way. I should make clear of it, don't fall into the trap or cause any needless misunderstandings. Believe me, my heart still there...nothing's gonna change my love for you.

p/s: Everyone should grab his or her blessed by his or her own, but I am just too timid -- I'd rather deceive myself it is there rather than hear the cruel reality.

by_bittercoffee ^^

Single...stiLL

Yea, I'm still single !!!

I have never receive Valentine's gift for 19 years, what a pity !!! With the love one who stay in my heart, but not pass the Valentine's day with him, because I know my position in his heart -- no position.
Hahaaa, looking forward his words, his approaches to me, and even his greetings...but I waited nothing, expected. Sigh...I'm after his carings, but he never !!!

LOL, I'm just too happy, because he finally says something to me face to face. Hey, don't think nonsense ya, merely normal conversation. But I don't know this is a good sign or otherwise ?! He told me before that he can't treat me normally like other people because I'm special, but yesterday he spoke to me, is that means I have become to normal friend and no longer special in his heart ??? I am scared, I'd never ask him questions that hidden in my heart for a long long period , because I scare the answers unveil would unfavorable. I am really afraid of !!!

Waiting, still waiting...

The song that he like,

Nothing's gonna change my love for you,
you ought to know by now how much I love you,
one thing you can be sure of,
I'll never ask for more than your love.

by_bittercoffee ^^

No more...

I stood still erectly, looking at the road ahead of me. More precisely, it is a T-junction. I stand aright at the bustle intersection point where vehicles are passing. It was a sweltering afternoon, beams of sunlight reflect on my face fervidly. Intolerable high temperature compelled the transpiration rate in my body to increase, sweat beaded on my forehead.

There is a parking space that I acquaintance with, my eyes fixed on the confine space spontaneously. However, the Rabbit would not wait for me at there anymore. The same situation I'm in now and the vehicles on the road are likewise -- nothing special, everything is the same as always ostensibly. But, there is a significant diffference for me !

It isn't there anymore, no more. I want to pursue after it, but grievely it prevent me from chasing. I miss it's smile, the dazzingly one. I just, I just want it to smile merely for me once again, this would satisfy my cupidity.

When the Rabbit will stop there only for me once more ?

I miss you, do you ?

by_bittercoffee ^^

the PASSION

It's still remain fresh in my memory that the purpose I open this blog is to note down the sweet and sour in my life. But...I found that the enthusiastic flame have gone out. The times I write on here become lesser and lesser, unless there is something special.

I read all of my older posts and I found that I am actually an absolute pessimist, as most of my friends said, my blog is always grief. Well, I hope I'm not. LOL, from this day onwards, I want to rekindle the blaze I once had, with no more entirely sorrow, but a bit as complements of my tedious writing.

On 01012010, I read a horoscopic book. The book mentions that Cancers have a hard life this year and there is only 1 star for the all-year luck. Gosh, see...how awful it is, sigh. Yea, I should work really really hard for this year to do my best in the external exams. Hope I could attain my targets and aim for A* ( 90/100%; so-called A star ), but only abnormal can get A*. I know I couldn't get it ( I'm too stupid ) but just take it as an impetus that always remind me to work hard, xD.

MUET and IELTS worrying me much. Sigh.....only english in my life, no more chinese ya !!! Seriously, Esthar, PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH !!! I'm not "chuan" , but I have to speak english. Bear in mind, whoever speaks other than english will be amersed to treat a meal. Thanks for your co-operation.

by_bittercoffee ^^